Why I paid for IVF to help my teen become a single mum
Sharon Davies knew how much her daughter wanted to be a mum, so she did something extraordinary…
For most mums, it’s their worst nightmare for their teenage daughter to become a single parent. But not for me. In fact, quite the opposite. I actually helped my girl, Samara, become pregnant. And, before you start judging us, let me tell you about our situation…
When Samara was born in December 2000, my husband, Kevin, and I were over the moon. I was fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mummy, and the three of us were incredibly close – we did everything together.
From an early age, our little girl was maternal. If anyone was in trouble, or a younger child was being picked on, Samara was the first to stick up for them.
She’d keep a watchful eye out when we were in the park and, if anyone fell over or got hurt, she’d be straight over to check they were OK.
‘She’ll make a great mum one day,’ Kevin, now 59, and I agreed. But, from the age of 12, she started suffering from terrible cramps. We tried doctors, consultants, we were regularly in and out of hospital with her, but we were always told the same thing. Period pains.
It was awful seeing Samara in so much discomfort, especially when it was so bad she couldn’t get out of bed.
She missed a lot of school and was too ill to go out with friends. She tried various medications but nothing worked. She was being robbed of her teenage years.
Then, at 15, Samara collapsed at home, clutching her stomach. ‘It’s unbearable,’ she sobbed. We rushed her to hospital, where she was finally diagnosed with stage-four
endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome.
‘Samara has a blood-filled cyst on her ovary,’ the doctor explained. She needed surgery to remove it and, although we were desperately worried, we were also relieved. Finally, an answer.
Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb starts to grow in other places in the body, like the ovaries and Fallopian tubes. It is extremely painful, and also interferes with the workings of the bowel and the bladder.
‘I just want to feel normal,’ Samara sobbed. I stayed in hospital with her and, thankfully, the surgeon was able to remove the cyst without damaging the ovary.
We assumed that would be the end of the excruciating cramps but, after she was discharged, they returned. I’ve never seen my poor girl look so crushed.
Two years later, she needed yet more surgery, but even that was a temporary fix.
‘The only way to stop the cramps permanently is to have a hysterectomy,’ the consultant told us.
Samara was devastated – we all were. We couldn’t envisage her going through life without becoming a mother. Of course, there were other ways to make that happen, but, after counselling, Samara broke down in tears.
‘I can’t imagine never experiencing pregnancy for myself,’ she said. She’d always loved children and we wanted to help her achieve her dream.
After much discussion and research, we decided to pay for IVF for Samara. Yes, she was young, but she’d always
‘Instead of looking at colleges, we looked at fertility clinics’
had a mature head on her shoulders. Plus, she’d been through a lot more than the average woman, with her painful condition.
If she did fall pregnant, she wouldn’t be alone – we’d help with childcare, night feeds and nappy changes. We just couldn’t let our little girl give up her womb without first having one of the greatest gifts in life: a baby of her own.
So, in the approach to her 18th birthday, instead of looking at colleges for her, we looked at fertility clinics.
We made sure Samara was aware that being a parent was the best thing in the world, but also the hardest.
‘There’s no manual or guide to prepare you,’ I warned her. ‘ You have to learn as you go.’
Once we found the right clinic, Samara chose the sperm donor herself, picking someone with similar colouring to her own. She injected her daily hormones into her body, never asking for help.
But I made sure I went to every appointment with her – when her eggs were collected, then again when the embryos were put back inside her.
‘How am I going to wait two weeks to see if it worked?’ Samara asked nervously in February 2018. But we had no choice. And, although they dragged, the 14 days eventually passed.
I hovered outside the bathroom door while she took a pregnancy test.
‘It’s positive!’ Samara said, bursting out of the room and into tears! We called her dad at work, and he was equally thrilled.
Although Samara was terribly sick during her pregnancy, and even hospitalised a few times, she never once complained. Instead, she remained grateful for the experience.
Then, when she was seven months gone…
‘ Will you be my birthing partner, Mum?’ she asked. I was so touched – and it was magical being there when her daughter, Ailani, was born, weighing 7lb 7oz, in October 2018.
Samara is still battling excruciating pain – her next big decision will be when to have the hysterectomy. We’ll support her through that, too.
But meanwhile, at 18, she’s brilliant with Ailani, who is a smiley, happy, inquisitive baby – just like her mother was. Samara works part-time too. I have been so proud of my daughter, all of the way through this journey.
At 56, I hope Samara will meet someone who will love her and Ailani like his own. But for now, Kevin and I have enough love for everybody. l Samara says, ‘My teenage years were spent mostly in bed. I could barely walk downstairs to make a cup of tea, never mind hang out with friends. It was frustrating and painful, but having my little girl makes up for all of that.
‘It was never an option to go ahead with the operation without having a baby. I wouldn’t have been able to go through any of this without my mum, she’s been my rock. We’ve always been close but our bond is stronger than ever.
I’ve taken a different route to my friends, who went to college, but I’m a mum now, and I don’t plan to miss a second of Ailani growing up.’