Exclusive: Ulrika’s ‘Crippling anxiety’ in her own words
Many of us keep silent about the dark times, believing we are alone. Yet, over 4 million women in the UK suffer from anxiety that can overwhelm us. Here, the ever-honest ULRIKA JONSSON explains her own…
When presenter Ulrika Jonsson posted on her Instagram ‘Don’t mind saying I’m going through some shit at the moment. An old feeling has returned. Maybe it never properly went away. But I’m so eternally grateful for my dogs. They can’t solve anything; can’t change things but they are by my side every step of the way’, many of us knew what she was talking about. That creeping feeling of anxiety that hits most of us at some point, especially during the menopause…
Hi, Ulrika. Thanks for talking to us. After you wrote this quote, the headlines said you suffer from ‘crippling anxiety’. Did you mean that?
Ah, my Instagram post… Yes. I like to be honest and was thinking how often I post about pretty flowers, cute dogs and jokes with my kids. But sometimes, during some days, I can feel disabled by anxiety. Lost... It comes in waves and can swallow me whole. And that’s true. Even when I’m in a happy place, at the back of mind it’s easy for me to think, ‘ When is it going to hit me again?’ It’s a subconscious anxiety about the outside. But while it’s definitely been compounded by the onset of the menopause, I do think I’ve always been quite anxious.
How does your anxiety manifest itself?
I’m very good at catastrophising things... What other people might brush off can go around and round in my head with the worst-case scenario outcomes. This could stem from unexpected things happening in my life; like the premature death of my father; my daughter born with a congenital heart defect... These kind of things mean you can’t take anything for granted. I’m not a big crier – especially over my own situation. I feel pain, anger, fear – but I feel I need to hide that. I’m not sure if the world really gets anxiety yet.
How do you cope when you’re hit by a wave?
I don’t ever take to my bed. And I’m open with my kids, but in an age-appropriate way. All I would say to my youngest, Malcolm, 11, if I’m down is ‘Mummy’s feeling sad
or worried’. I think it’s important you air this in a limited way, so your kids understand that you will get back to normal. I think more and more about speaking out. When we were younger, there wasn’t much help. You just had to cope when you felt like sh*t. I don’t want to take try meditation. When people say to me, ‘Oh you should meditate,’ I think ‘THAT would be a nightmare!’ I wouldn’t be able to zone out. I’d be making shopping lists in my head! It’s the last thing I should do. [She laughs]
You said the thought of your anxiety returning is in the back of your mind…
It comes and goes. Getting divorced obviously added to my stress. I’m the bread winner. I cope on my own and that becomes exhausting. Sometimes I think: I can’t do this. I’m not good at crying, which would be a massive release – maybe I’m worried I won’t stop if I start. But I’ve accepted depression will come and go for the rest of my life. Personally, I think once you’ve had an episode of depression it’s likely to return. It’s a good idea to talk about mental health issues.
What gets you through a bad anxiety episode..
I’m lucky to have ‘the ungratefuls’ [ her kids] and ‘the bullies’ [ her three English bulldogs] and I’m happy in my garden or cooking – cooking is the most tremendous therapy for me and possibly cheaper than counselling. [She laughs] Also listening to the radio helps focus your mind on other things…
You mentioned ‘the bullies’. Dogs can help reduce anxiety and stress levels, can’t they?
That’s why there are therapy dogs! Look, of course we all
love our pets but, for me, I think it’s because they are so helpless. It makes me feel useful. They need me and that’s a good feeling. They’re devoted, loyal, cuddly and dependant. They really are a wo-man’s best friend.
How important are your dogs to you?
Very. I think I once said in a jokey way that I wouldn’t be here without them and that has gone down as a fact, which isn’t very nice to my children, who are the most important thing in my life. But, yes, having to think and care for my dogs again takes me away from thinking about myself.
Remind us about your children?
Cameron is 25 and is a budding film director. He’s moved in with his girlfriend and he’s very paternal, so he could make me a nan first. Bo, 18, is just about to go off to Nanny college, which is making me feel very emotional. I went into mourning for three months when Cameron went off to Uni! My 15-year-old, Martha, is an awesome social justice warrior. I’m very proud of that. And Malcolm is just 11, and he’s about to start secondary school [ his dad – and Bo’s adopted father – is Brian Monet, from whom Ulrika is now divorced from].
Do you think the menopause was the start of your anxiety?
Honestly? No. Looking back, I think I’ve had this condition for a lot of my life. It could be just who I am as a person or that I’ve always tried to carry my burdens on my own. But the menopause has definitely exacerbated my levels of anxiety. I’ve had a lot of women contact me about how they are suffering increased anxiety – as well as a number of other symptoms.
In what way?
Well, for starters, it’s a biological fact – our change in hormone levels mean that for many women this is how the menopause manifests itself. While some women have few symptoms, for many of us, depression, anxiety, weight gain, memory loss and sleeplessness all become a new feature of life – and that can be really bewildering.
Weight gain? Middle-age spread you mean?
Yes! I look in the mirror and I don’t even recognise that body! It’s not me. It’s unfair! I’ve always been naturally slim with enviable arms and then suddenly my muscles went! My arms have flabby skin, I gained weight… it’s just not that easy to stay slim any more. It’s not even about will power. I still eat pretty healthily!
When you hit your fifties, you can no longer pretend you’re still young, can you?
Well, suddenly it’s a fact that you have more years behind you than you have in front of you. While I haven’t written a Bucket List, I think I’ve had such an interesting and varied life – and I just want to look forward to a more simplistic and less complicated life. I still want to write my cookbook; do the odd TV thing and I want to write more. That’s a great distraction and a great therapy. Does it matter if I don’t write my book? Or do more TV shows? No. It’s just good to make plans – to see a future.
You mentioned earlier you’d consider talking to someone professional about your down days…
Yes. I have two really close friends. I know I can tell them anything and not be laughed at, which is important. But as well as them, I went to marriage counselling when my recent marriage broke down, then had some psychotherapy on my own. I think it’s helpful and I want to go back and learn more about how to cope because at the moment I tend to fasten my seatbelt and wait for the anxiety to end…
Is it true you’re going on C4’s First Dates Hotel?
Where did you hear that? I’m not talking to you about dating. If there’s anything to say, you’ll be the first to know… [She giggles]
But are you ready to date again?
Why are we still talking about that?!
OK, apart from dating – any other plans you can tell us about?
For goodness sake! Well, I have 35 thousand Instagram followers these days, which I love! It feels like my own little community and I try to answer every single person who comments, even if it’s just with a like, which can be A LOT! And, yes, there is some TV stuff and a column coming up but we’ll talk all about that another day.