Dear Vanessa

Any advice on shedding the pounds last minute – or just de-bloating, super quickly? My good friend is throwing a NYE bash, and she’s just informed me she’s invited pretty much everyone from our past – including exboyfriends. I know I’m starting to sound a bit like a teenager here, but I’d like to have a Monica Geller moment, where the man that dumped me for being slightly overweight thinks, ‘WOW, is that you?’ in my new party dress. I don’t want to be unhealthy about it, but it would be fun to have a bit of revenge body going on. Am I deluded?!

Claire, Beeston

No, you’re human, and you fancy knocking your ex’s socks off with your sheer gorgeousness! No one could possibly blame you. Let’s be practical – it’ll be really tough to shed significant pounds at doublequick speed. So go the Spanx route. Invest in fabulous foundation garments that cinch you in all the right places, then look for a dress that oozes va-va-voom, and highlights your sexiest features. If it’s your cleavage, pack it into a balconette bra and let it peep seductively over the top of a subtle plunge neckline. If it’s your pins, dress them up in sheer hold-ups and stilettos and let them shine. Pop to a department store and get your make-up done professionally for free. Spritz on your fave fragrance and watch him dissolve into a puddle of regret. Oh, and if he doesn’t seem to notice, it doesn’t mean he hasn’t clocked it secretly and isn’t crying on the inside!