I’M TOO CLINGY

IMy daughter is lost my husband eight months ago. the time, but I can’t turning 17, and wants to go out all want to hold her back, bear being at home alone. I don’t distracts me from my but I really like her company. She the house. I also pain, and I feel so lost when she leaves myself into an utter worry about her non-stop, and get husband was killed in a state of panic when she’s out. My terrible will happen car accident, and I’m afraid something to her, too. Sarah, Plymouth

MANDY SAYS: a tragic loss like this, and It’s so desperately difficulttorecover from so, I have to say, that doesn’t normal to feel so vulnerable, too. But even using your daughter as a legitimise avoiding your pain and fear by of hope rather than despair, buffer. I believe people ask for help out you: that you know you need and so I’m going to assume the same for to change something here. process of letting At 17, your daughter is beginning the natural adult. Part of this is about go of being dependent and becoming an choices, and in taking learning how to be confident in her own that she is keen to go out and personal responsibility. It’s a good sign her father, or father figure get on with her life, even though she lost ago. Trying to hold on to (you’re not specific about this) eight months from your feelings of grief her and keep her at home to distract you to experience anxious or could interrupt this process and cause her be unable to express for fear resentful feelings that, in turn, she might responsible for you. of upsetting you, as she might start to feel tend to do one of two In these sorts of circumstances, people needs in favour of the other things. The first is to shut down their own later when they become person’s, which can lead to complications

The second is to walk dangerously out of touch with themselves. seems good for you – away and reject, and neither of these options are part of your love for or your daughter. Your pain and your loss of honouring his life in your husband, and grieving for him is part your relationship. you forget him, but Letting go of the pain does not mean that and learn to live alongside that you find a space for him in your life, take years to come to your grief in peace. This kind of loss can so be kind to yourself. terms with, and you are in the early stages, or time with others Consider therapy with a bereavement specialist, you grow through this going through a similar experience, so that life with your daughter experience, and allow yourself to enjoy again, too.