Seven months, 21 men and almost 75 dates…
From the Italian Stallion to Ankle Socks Guy, widow Shalini BhallaLucas’s dating spree was full of passion, pizza and prosecco – but could it mend her broken heart?
When the love of my life died, I no longer wanted to live. I’d cry all day. I watched TV, ate junk food, didn’t wear make-up – sometimes I didn’t even bother getting dressed.
I took painkillers to numb my grief and drank whisky to help me sleep at night.
When we met in 1996, Jeremy Lucas – then my neighbour – was a 40-year-old divorcee with three daughters. I was a 21-year-old student from a strict Indian family. Not an obvious match, but within weeks, we were in love.
Jeremy – with his piercing blue eyes – shared my life for almost 20 years.
A persistent pain on the right side of his back in 2014 turned out to be a tumour. The cancer spread, and in July 2016, Jeremy, then
59, passed away with his daughters and I by his side.
I was just 40 and I fell into an abyss of grief, haunted by the broken dreams we had for the future.
After a year, I realised I owed it to Jeremy to live.
I took courses in DIY, gardening, self-defence, car maintenance and learned to ride a motorcycle.
After months of darkness, I began to feel the light.
I learned how to fix a broken hinge on the door, and knew it was time to fix other things in my life. In April 2018, I wondered if dating again would help?
My sister, Shivani, and friends who I called my ‘dating aunties’, assured me that I wouldn’t be betraying Jeremy or the life we had together.
In the years I was out of the dating pool, it was obvious that online dating had become the norm and I had a lot to learn.
I joined six dating sites. I bought new clothes and had manicures, pedicures, threading and waxing. I got a personal trainer – for my own self-worth – but also because the thought of someone new seeing me naked made me want to feel my best.
Writing a profile about myself felt strange. Should I write ‘widow’, or save it for the first date? There is never a good time to explain I’m not divorced or single by choice.
One date had googled me