MY COLLEAGUE’S OBSESSED WITH ME

lawyer, who work in a law firm, and a 30-something to be obsessed with started with us last autumn, seems school-age children me. I’m in my mid-40s, married, with to Bristol from

– she had few friends as she’d moved

My friends seem to London, so I introduced her to mine. buying the same have swiftly become hers. Now, she’s heard her using very dresses and shoes as me. I’ve even

– but she’s a ‘Belfast’ phrases (it’s my hometown) is now irritating me. Londoner! What was flattering initially,

Do I confront her? Deborah, Bristol

IMANDY SAYS: and perhaps shows some The word ‘confront’ feels quite aggressive well as with her. I find myself of your own frustration with yourself, as you helped in the first place, wondering if you regret either how much my perspective on things or that you let it go on for so long. It’s often own sense of responsibility in to encourage my client to consider their justified in their offence over any given circumstance, even if they feel the only person you can someone else’s behaviour. This is because someone gives no guarantee truly control is yourself, and ‘confronting’ of the outcome. why you have taken her

If you were my client, I’d be asking you or her circumstances, that under your wing? What was it about her, her to your friends – led you to leap to ‘rescue her’ by introducing the relationship time so instead of simply being friendly and giving that she may have found her that you properly got to know her, and so it’s just a kind thing to do, feet? This may sound harsh, as at one level you describe here feels more to give someone a helping hand. But what about the ‘rescuing’ role. You than that; maybe you enjoyed something in this – perhaps you say it felt flattering for a while – I’m interested here, so gave too much were unaware of your own lack of boundaries

And now, this is leaving of yourself away in your enthusiasm to help. of. you feeling resentful and taken advantage about your observations It’s not that you can’t approach her to talk that you take responsibility and concerns, but it is important, I think, like an enmeshed for the part you have played in what seems

London for Bristol, and relationship. I have no idea why she left of herself behind, but I whether she was trying to leave a version

Disentangling yourself suspect her story is not straightforward.

The best first step is to from someone takes care and boundaries.

Focus on your own self-care create some distance between you both. speak louder and see what she does. Remember, actions than words.