Dear Vanessa
Tackles your aunt, Vanessa Feltz, Our celebrity agony and humour her usual wit, wisdom problems with
and family s a self-confessed ‘empath’, my friends and issues come to me with their personal problems role. Recently, – and I’ve always loved having that toll on me. My father however, it’s been taking a massive
As an only unexpectedly passed away over Christmas. to be with her pretty child, my mother had relied on me that has become much every day since – a hard situation self-isolating, I can’t even harder, now she is home alone, teenagers of my own to physically be there as I have three her – but it’s just look after. Of course, I want to comfort phone 24/7. I have my not realistic to be at the end of the to be strong for my own grief, which I’ve been burying
Should my mum, family. Do I need to speak to a therapist? going with all of this. too? I just don’t know where we’re
AHelen, Lancaster
MANDY SAYS: and your mum would benefit The quick answer is that I do think you crisis, is widely from therapy – which, during the Coronavirus be a fairly straightforward available online. For your mum, this might as your father’s death was process surrounding her grief, especially are layers that you would so sadly unexpected. For you, I see there sentence catches my probably find usefulto explore. Your opening are as empathetic towards interest and makes me want to ask if you of grief, it suggests not. It is yourself as others? From your experience have a healthy ‘selfishness’ –so so important that in our giving, we also a platform of good self-care. that our giving is sustainable, coming from to come to terms with the Certainly, you need your own private space no sibling context to share loss of your father, especially as you have to bury your feelings, this important part of your life with. Attempting a path I’d suggest you don’t so that you can be strong for everyone, is your own feelings, which go down. Not only will you end up neglecting are also teaching your will inevitably lead to resentment, but you unrealistic. They have lost children a way to respond to grief that is having the permission from their grandfather and might benefit from the injustice of it all. It makes you to fall apart, and cry at the loss and of your own feelings. me wonder if you might actually be frightened mother? I also wonder if and displacing that inhibition on to your think. In my experience, you’re hiding your feelings as well as you to is upset. If you actually people know when somebody they’re close yourself be vulnerable and want to be strong, be strong enough to let your love for your father and to grieve. The depth of your loss reflects
Take care of yourself, so hide that loss is somehow to deny that love. to honour that you can be present, in your own shoes, this important time in your life.
See mandysaligari.com