Carol McGiffin: Why I passed up my last chance to have a baby
Always outspoken, often controversial, best columnist Carol McGiffin explains why – while she’s not proud of the abortions she chose to have – neither is she ashamed
As a panellist on the daytime show, LooseWomen, you do sometimes have to take the flak. Especially these days when everyone’s got access to social media and people seem to be getting less and less tolerant of those who either don’t agree and see the world in a different way.
I’m used to it and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. I can take it because I always believe 100 per cent in what I’m saying, can always back it up and have never apologised, nor been ‘ordered’ to.
Last Thursday, I came off-air expecting a barrage of negativity and disapproval but I didn’t get it, quite the opposite, which was a surprise to say the least.
The discussion was about the falling fertility rates among, especially younger women. My three copanellists – Kaye Adams, Judi Love and Jane Moore – talked about their decisions to have children and I, not for the first time, talked about my reasons for not having them which are well documented, but it was mainly seeing my mum struggle with four kids under six years old, on her own, with no money, after my dad upped sticks and left. I knew I didn’t ever want that from a very young age.
I always feel that women who choose not to procreate, are endlessly having to explain themselves whereas women who choose to have children, don’t. It’s usually no more than a simple ‘I just knew’, and I wouldn’t dream of questioning that but it doesn’t stop them looking at me in a curious way, like they either don’t believe me, feel pity for me or because it’s so alien to them, they just can’t get their heads around it.
We are also seen, and often labelled as selfish because we only have ourselves to look after. But there are plenty of people out there who have kids without thinking enough about it, and I get that, it’s wholly natural. But there are also those who have them for reasons that I would consider
to be questionable – to look after them when they’re old, in order to get benefits or a council house, to keep a marriage together or, because they’re bored with the life they’ve got and that gives them something else to do. I’d say those people are a lot more selfish than me. my employer, my friends or family, or the guy. I don’t feel bad about that either, I mean, what would have been the point? His opinion didn’t matter because I had absolutely no intention of allowing myself to be connected to him for the rest
‘Seeing my mum struggle... I knew I didn’t want that’