WERE PEOPLE ONLY NICE BECAUSE OF MY MONEY?

friends with before my ’ve noticed that most people I was me. I now live a very divorce are no longer interested in other words, I’ve gone different lifestyle on my own – in swimming pool to living from a five-bedroom house with a to my ex’s constant in a flat above a chip shop thanks part of that world, it’s gambling. Now that I am no longer to know. Do you think like the majority of them don’t want about how things it’s down to money or they feel awkward trying to work it out. I have unravelled? I am so hurt and through. need my friends after all I’ve been

ISarah, Plymouth

MANDY SAYS: do. Friendship is a vital part Of course you need your friends, we all and a sense of of our lives as social beings, providing companionship all you’ve been through that stability. I can hear how hurt you feel after too. I hear you wondering if you feel your friends have abandoned you doubt that’s the main reason, it’s because of your drop in status, but I is not that unusual and there as you may be surprised to hear that this here. are a couple of common reasons that I outline and I don’t need to tell Divorce is an extremely painful process, of your life, also impacting you that it changes the basic foundations side as often gamblers are your friends. Maybe some have taken his destructive patterns of very charismatic people, despite their self- outside to see the truth, so behaviour, and it’s hard for people on the instead they choose what is easiest for them. feeldeeply uncomfortable Many people find change difficult, and conversations where there being around negative emotions or heavy who are grieving or suffering is no easy answer, sadly avoiding people things,and when someone emotionally. People like to be able to fix takes a strong friend to be is going through difficultylike you are, it be there. For you, the changes able to simply stand beside you and just to grieve and process you’ve experienced will need time and attention as your husband was a in order to be able to move on, especially that your loss was his fault. gambler, as you may feel profound injustice experience of working Usually that strength comes from personal to consider meeting through pain, so it might be helpful to you in the 12-step fellowship others in the same position as you, perhaps the specific kind of for partners of addicts so that you can get al-anonuk.org.uk (usually identification and support that you need: is the same). for partners of alcoholics, but the principle you find somewhere What I think is important right now is that properly safe to feel understood and heard, as you work through this traumatic experience and slowly but surely get back on your feet.