Kaye Adams: Rage, Fog & Desire…
Scottish presenter Kaye Adams talks menopause, motherhood and doing things that please her – not others…
TV and radio presenter Kaye Adams, a regular anchor on Loose Women, is finding life a little easier than when best last caught up with her, at the start of the national lockdown. She’s excited that she’s just published a collection of stories about the menopause – with enlightening, sometimes heart-wrenching contributions from famous faces, like Trinny Woodall, Lorraine Kelly and Anthea Turner
– the latter revealing her symptoms hit just at the point when her marriage to Grant Bovey was falling apart. Warm, funny and no-holdsbarred, Kaye, 57, talks to best about her own experience, her beloved daughters – Charley, 18, and Bonnie, 13 – with husband Ian, and her thoughts on the pandemic…
How are you and your family, Kaye?
I don’t know myself half the time! Up and down. I think we’re at a real turning point – how do we deal with Covid, going forward? There’s no quick fix. My daughter started university recently; so many of them have the virus. She hasn’t, to her knowledge. In the first few weeks I thought, this isn’t going to work, but she’s settled in – so far, so good. The government has to change tack, though. All these rules and regulations… people are running out of steam.
Tell us about your book, Still Hot!…
It’s a collection of very honest stories about 42 women’s individual experiences of menopause. Hopefully people will find one they identify with. It’s not a ‘medical’ book, it’s split into sections like ‘Rage’, ‘Fog’ and ‘Desire’ – you can dip into it, a story at a time. It’s about life, rather than ‘The Change’ of life.
Actress Julie Graham’s contribution is quite heart-breaking…
Yes, and she wasn’t initially thinking it was physiological, life was just sh**. But her body was throwing her into turmoil, making the things happening even more difficult. She’d lost her former partner through suicide, and her good friend died in tragic circumstances. Everything was falling about her ears. The rage she was feeling was understandable.
You write that yours began with a panic attack in the toilets at Heathrow airport…
Yes, I think it did! I’m through it all now but it wasn’t ‘classic’ – I never had hot flushes, or insomnia. I’d relate to Lorraine Kelly’s experience of feeling ‘flat’ (funny, both Scottish!). My parents were both ill, which was a big source of sadness, but it started before that. There was nothing to pin it on. But it was as close to depression as I’ve ever got. Denise Welch and other friends have had clinical depression – it wasn’t that, it was this… absolute flatness and absence of joy, I couldn’t pick myself up out of.
Talking about it is less ‘taboo’ now, though…
It is, but it’s still very ‘middleclass’ to talk about it, and I hold my hands up! If you’re working eight hours a day on a supermarket till, and suddenly you’ve got sweat pouring down your face, are you going to be comfortable going to your supervisor and asking if you can sit by the chill cabinet for a bit? Probably not… we’ve still a way to go.
TV presenter Louise Minchin took on gruelling physical challenges – did you?
And she feels better and braver now – rather than battered by it all! Me, no – that need to challenge myself hit me in my mid-40s when I stupidly agreed to do the gameshow Total Wipeout. I didn’t want to be defined as a middle-aged
lady who says, Oh, not at my age...’ Unfortunately, I realised I was that middle-aged old lady – it was more difficult than anticipated! But I still love that spirit of, ‘I’m not done yet’. I have many more chapters to write.
To borrow from the title of your book – at 57, do you still feel ‘hot’?
If you mean sexually desirable, I don’t give a f*** whether someone finds me attractive – well, except for my husband! For me, ‘ hot’ is interesting, passionate, full of plans. ‘Still hot’ has got to mean more than whether someone’s ready to jump into bed with you! Women turn things around too quickly, to thinking am I enough? We judge ourselves through the eyes of others.
Do you do worry less what others think these days?
I think so. I’m not going to let my hair go grey, though – I’ll be dyeing my hair till the day they put the lid down! I’m not a glamorous person, but I care about how I look – for how it makes me feel. I’m immensely proud of both of my girls, but they’re definitely affected by social media – by that focus on physical perfection. Something’s happened in the past 40 years, from when I was starting out, to really make women doubt themselves.
What were you like at their age, then?
Oh, I came out of uni in 1984 and it was all shoulder pads, big earrings and Margaret Thatcher. I had my insecurities, there were definitely times when I looked in the mirror and thought I looked like a bag of spanners! But I had an innate confidence. I shouldn’t joke, but how many balding, middle-aged men do you see worrying themselves silly about whether somebody wants to shag them?! It just doesn’t occur to them! We need to work on that, us women.
Still Hot! 42 Brilliantly Honest Menopause Stories by Kaye Adams and Vicky Allan, is out now (Black & White Publishing, £17.99).