Dawn French on… motherhood & madness
The TV star opens up about her early fears over adopting Billie and how she has thrown her all at loving her...
They’ve been friends for over 40 years, so it’s no surprise Dawn French confided in Jennifer Saunders about her motherhood fears when she adopted a baby.
The comedian adopted Billie at two weeks old with ex Sir Lenny Henry, back in 1991. ‘I talked to Jen at great length because she had three girls. I said: “I hope I’ll connect with, and love, this child as much as a natural mum.
‘And she said: “Dawn, I’ve had three daughters and I don’t recognise any of them. They are all completely different and rest assured when this kid comes along…”’
The 63-year-old had nothing to fear, as – just like Jennifer – she connected instantly. Speaking at In Conversation: Dawn French & Bernardine Evaristo recently, she recalled: ‘ When that daughter arrived in my life, it was the biggest love I’ve ever known.’
Dawn was reflecting on her relationship with Billie after writing her fourth book, Because of You, which tells the story of two women going to hospital to have a baby – one loses her child to stillbirth and steals the other’s baby to bring her up as her own.
‘The book is not autobiographical… but, of course, I’m interested in those themes of nature and nurture.’
For research, she spoke to midwives and women who suffered miscarriages. ‘At the moment you have a stillbirth, your brain fractures,’ Dawn explains. ‘ Your body is ready to receive that baby, you are physically ready, your hormones are lactating, Every bit of cooking that baby for nine months, you are ready to receive it and when there is no baby – you go a bit mad. Understandably.
‘I knew I had to write that – to know what that felt like. I also felt it was forgivable. Forgivable in that moment to take a baby, but whether it’s forgivable to keep the baby until she is a grown woman. That’s another matter.
‘The question at the centre of the book is – Who do you belong to? Is it whose blood you have, whose genes? Or is it who loves you…’
As ever, even in the darkest of times, Dawn has found humour to inject into her novel. ‘My favourite time to write anything funny is when it’s dark,’ she explains. ‘That’s the muscle for me. (To find humour) when you need it.’ In real life, Dawn and Billie’s relationship has had up and downs, but the star said recently: ‘Billie’s nearly 30 now and I feel there is a deepening closeness as we get older. I wouldn’t claim to be the best mum in the world. I am learning every day. But what I do know is I throw my all at it.’