Our ‘Yes Day’!
In new comedy, Yes Day, Jennifer Garner and Edgar Ramirez play parents who agree to do whatever their children say for the day. Journalist Jill Foster, 46, who lives in Halifax, West Yorkshire, finds out what it’s like to stop saying ‘no’ in real life…
As my eight-yearold identical twin daughters, Charlotte and Martha, trudge grumpily upstairs, they shout in unison: ‘Worst. Day. Ever!’
Like most parents, I’m accused of being bossy constantly and my crime on this occasion is turning off the television as it’s bedtime. It’s a regular part of any mum’s day.
But as I look over the day’s events, I feel a short stab of parental guilt. We’ve hardly done anything fun all. I’ve said no to baking, no to painting, no to their favourite ‘tickle’ game. No, no, no.
Of course, it’s our duty to set boundaries for our children and ‘no’ is an essential part of parenting.
But the pandemic has meant that the word ‘no’ has become even more common in our children’s lives. My husband, Robin, and I have had to say no, we can’t go swimming, no, we can’t go on holiday and – heartbreakingly – no, we can’t see Granny.
Could we all learn something by saying yes more often? Some parenting experts think so. ‘As parents we tend to say “no” out of habit and it becomes white noise to our children, then we have to find other ways to get them to change their behaviour, such as rewards and punishment or yelling,’ says Bea Marshall, founder of Yes Parenting. ‘ When we learn to respond to our kids with “yes” instead of “no”, we experience more joy, peace, connection and ease with our children.’
As new film Yes Day is released, starring Jennifer Garner as a harassed mum who is challenged to say ‘yes’ to whatever her children ask over 24 hours, I wonder if I can do the same thing – even if we are limited by lockdown?
6.30am
I tell the girls the plan and that they can have anything for breakfast. ‘Ice cream!’ shouts Charlotte. ‘ Yeah!’ agrees Martha. I wince. Not the healthiest start and we’ll all pay the price for the sugar-high later – but ice cream it is. I manage to sneak some raspberries in for extra vitamins and the girls are too excited to even notice!
7am
How much screen time is too much? Like most parents, I’ve battled with this dilemma all lockdown and I know that I’ve given them far too much. But we try to stick to the rule of ‘no screens before 10am’. So, when they ask if they can play computer games when the sun has only just come up, I hate relenting. But they’re thrilled. I’m worried I’ve set a precedent.
10am
I persuade the girls to close the laptop, get dressed and do something else. They want to make slime. Oh no. I thought my days of picking slime out of the carpets were over but I agree to let them make it AS LONG AS THEY DO NOT TRAIL IT AROUND THE HOUSE! They don’t stop beaming the whole time (although I’m clearing it up off the floor for ages afterwards).
11.30am
The Spring sunshine is out and I ask if the girls want to play in the garden. They want a water fight. Really?! It’s March! But as I’ve just returned from a run, I decide I will play too to cool down. They can’t believe their luck that they’re allowed to throw waterbombs at Mummy and do it little too vigorously for my liking.
But – whisper it – it’s actually quite fun.
1pm
Lunchtime and they ask for a Happy Meal from McDonald’s. We can count on one hand the number of times we have had fast food – I’m simply not a fan. But I take them for their very first drive-through and because we’re in lockdown, they find this almost as thrilling as going to a theme park. ‘Can we do this every week?’ asks Martha.
3pm
Trying to think of other activities we can do and Charlotte pipes up with, ‘Can we drive the car?’ Er… they have another nine years before they can even take lessons but under the new rules, I can’t say no… I wonder if there’s a way around this without breaking any laws. Or my car. We actually live on a private road so I decide that if she sits on my lap in the front seat then she can ‘drive’ a few yards without hurting anyone. She is beyond delighted!
5pm
Like most children, my girls love Bonfire Night and, as the day starts to darken, they ask for fireworks. Sadly, we don’t have any but as a compromise, now I’m fully in the swing of our ‘ Yes Day’, I suggest starting a fire in the garden. We cook sausages for dinner and melt marshmallows as the sun sets. They dance around the garden and I can honestly say it’s one of the nicest evenings we’ve had all year.
7pm
The girls want a ‘tickle monster’ game which involves me grabbing their ankles in bed and tickling them under the duvet. I thought they might have grown out of it years ago but when I ask them why they love it they say it’s because ‘it’s something to make us laugh when we’re all together’. I’m hardly going to say no to that.
8.30pm
We’re snuggled up on the sofa watching Horrible Histories and the girls know it’s their bedtime. ‘Just one more?’ asks Martha as an episode ends. I don’t mind saying yes.
Of course, saying yes to everything might not be sustainable long-term but today has shown me that the occasional wacky treat such as ice cream for breakfast or an impromptu water fight is a delight for eight-year-olds. As the girls climb the stairs to bed, I ask them what they think about their ‘ Yes Day’. They smile: ‘Best. Day. Ever.’ And
I can’t argue with that.