Breast of friends…
world was shattered when she was diagnosed with incurable cancer. But, after meeting Jen Pope, they’re helping find a way to take the scary out of the situation – together!
Watching my two children play, I fought back tears. I had something important to tell them – and absolutely no idea how to…
I was only 26 when I noticed a dimple underneath my left breast in 2011. Back then, I was a student nurse and engaged to Mat. Being diagnosed with multiple breast cancer tumours was a shock – you never think it’s going to happen to you.
Over the next seven months, I had a mastectomy, chemo and radiotherapy. It was gruelling, but worth it. The doctors told me the cancer had gone.
The relief was indescribable. Although I needed ongoing hormone treatment, I could look to the future.
Mat and I bought a house at the end of 2013, got married in April 2014, and I finished my nursing degree. Life was good.
When we decided to start a family, we talked to doctors and, taking a temporary break from hormone treatment, we went on to naturally conceive two beautiful miracles – Dylan, born in August 2015, and Poppy, in December 2017.
Then in March 2018, I went for a routine check-up and my worst nightmares were realised. Not only had the cancer returned, there were secondary tumours in my liver and bones.
‘Because it’s spread, we can’t remove or cure the cancer,’ my consultant explained. ‘ What we can do is stop it progressing, using targeted drugs.’
Terrified, I went into panic mode. ‘I haven’t got a will,’ I sobbed to Mat. ‘And what will happen to the children… without their mum?’
It was a horrible time, and my fears only subsided once I started taking the new medication. I had few side effects – just fatigue and the odd hot flush – and, as the months passed and I had more scans, they showed the tumours had stabilised. They weren’t growing any more.
But as I learnt to live with my new situation, one worry didn’t go away – how could I tell my children? I wanted to introduce it slowly, rather than it being a bombshell. But how?
As the months ticked by, Dylan and Poppy were getting older and noticing me taking tablets and going to hospital regularly. But the right words escaped me.
In January 2020, my doctor told me about a Breast Cancer Now weekend retreat, for mums who had secondary cancer. I went along, hoping it would help me to prepare for those difficult conversations with Dylan and Poppy.
But the books and resources suggested weren’t quite right. One had us in floods of tears – I didn’t want that. Also, they seemed to be about mummies who were sick, then got better – that wasn’t the case for me.
That night, in the hotel bar, I got chatting to another mum, Jen. She was a teacher and had two children – Eliza, nine, and Albie, five – as well.
‘I don’t like these books,’ I confided. ‘They won’t work for me.’
‘I feel the same,’ Jen said. After the course, the two of us kept in touch. I lived in Kent and Jen in Hertfordshire, so we couldn’t see each other often – particularly when the Coronavirus struck.
But we spoke on the phone most days and I soon came to regard Jen as my best friend. As we were both living with ongoing cancer, she, out of everyone, understood what I was going through.
I wanted to protect my friends and family from my fears and worries, so when they asked, I’d tell them I was fine – even Mat. With Jen, however, I could share anything.
We also shared a lot of laughs. Jen had me in fits when she told me Albie had seen her in the shower and asked where her boob was. ‘The doctor took it away,’ she’d told him. ‘ Why did he steal your boob?’ Albie had asked, aghast. Jen had had to fight back the laughter as she’d explained that he’d taken it away because there were bad bits in it.
Meanwhile, I still hadn’t had that conversation with my children. Having always enjoyed writing, I was trying to write a book of my own. When I told Jen, she had an idea.
‘ Why don’t we make our own flashcards?’ she suggested. ‘Between us, we can come up with something that takes the scary out of cancer for the kids.’
Over the next weeks, we talked and emailed endlessly, and finally, by September 2020, we’d come up with cards which, on one side were letters of the alphabet, with an A-Z of words associated not just with cancer and the treatment, but also mental well-being. On the other side, there was more information for older children, along with an activity.
I began using them with my children to build a basic understanding of what was happening to me. And soon, we realised they could help other parents too.
We started to sell them online, and because of the wonderful feedback, we set up a website, The Little C Club.
Both Jen and I will be having ongoing treatment indefinitely. But, for now, our health is stable, and we’re optimistic for the future.
Now 36, I try to exist in the now and not look too far ahead. Although that’s easy to say and hard to do! But Jen and I know that even when you have incurable cancer, you can still live – and live a good life. Jen, 35, says:
‘My mum had breast cancer twice, so I’ve always examined myself. When I found a small lump in my left breast in 2019, my GP referred me straight to a hospital. Within a week, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
‘I underwent eight rounds of chemo but just as I was due to have my breast removed, a scan showed the cancer had spread to my pelvic bone and spine. Thankfully, after more targeted therapy, my cancer is now stable.
‘Talking to your children about cancer is important for the future – it will empower them to check their own bodies and go to the doctor if something isn’t right. Taking the fear out of it when they’re young means it won’t be as daunting when they’re older.’
The Little C Club flashcards are available on the Cancer Research UK website: shop. cancerresearchuk.org/ product/little-c-clubflash-cards