ADHD and the menopause!
Anna Price was 44 when she made a startling discovery about herself…
‘As I searched around the house, opening cupboard doors, riffling through drawers in vain, my poor husband, Andy, looked bewildered.
‘I can’t find them,’ I wailed. ‘ What?’ he asked.
‘The car keys! I’ve lost them.’ He was used to it by now. Whether it was car keys or Christmas presents, I was always putting things down and forgetting where I’d left them. My mind was all over the place and I couldn’t focus.
I thought it might be just stress. I was in my early 40s and life had turned into a never-ending roller coaster.
My job as a strategic marketing consultant and founder of the Rural Business Group meant that I was flying to Berlin and London from my home in Leicestershire all the time. Exhausting, but I loved the ‘ high’ of working. When I came home, I would crash into a ‘ low’ for several days.
My 14-year marriage was not in a great place and it was full-on with my young daughters, Scarlett, now 14, and Eloise, 11.
My memory was poor. ‘Because I am so busy,’
I would tell myself.
If I’m honest, I regularly felt overwhelmed and anxious. But I’d hide the lows from all those around me, although I was probably drinking more than I should. I was always the ‘ life and soul’ of the party.
Things came to a head one day in 2014. I woke up and I couldn’t stop crying. I was in such a mess that I phoned my best friend, Andrea, and said: ‘I just can’t do this any more.’
I’d put my mood swings down to juggling so many balls – home, travel, work…
I was surprised when my GP suggested I might have bipolar disorder.
But that turned out to be a misdiagnosis.
I was referred to a mental health specialist, as well as a specialist consultant for assessments. But it took another three years – and several psychiatric tests – before I finally discovered the truth: at the age of 44, I was diagnosed with Attention
Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD).
I was shocked, because although I’d heard of ADHD, I thought it was a condition that only affected young boys who couldn’t control their behaviour in the classroom. I had no clue that girls and women could also have it.
ADHD is a complex neurobiological condition that is thought to affect 1.5m people in the UK, yet only around 10 per cent of those are diagnosed.
Research suggests that just as many females – if not more – are affected, yet they are not as easily diagnosed. This can have a huge impact on their lives. Campaigners say that 24 per cent of women with ADHD attempt to take
their own lives, compared to nine per cent of men with the condition and only three per cent of women who do not have ADHD.
My friend, Leah Leaves, founder of the campaign #iamadhd told me: ‘ Women with ADHD are usually diagnosed later in life and aren’t spotted at school because they are less disruptive in general than their male counterparts. We tend to internalise our symptoms and put a lot of effort into “fitting in” which is called “masking” and this has an impact on self-esteem and confidence.’
I have to say, suddenly a lot of things made sense…
People with ADHD tend to be very ‘ big picture thinkers’. That’s me.
I’m also creative. Networking is no problem, whether it’s with business leaders or politicians at Number 10. I’m good under pressure too.
‘My life now makes sense – I realise that I’m simply wired differently to most people.’
But the small things derail me. Like where the kids’ PE kits are and where I left my car keys…
I find admin tough. I have five diaries to organise myself and can spend three hours wondering how to fit in meetings. It leads to ‘overwhelm’ where I avoid work altogether for long periods, making me more anxious. That leads to chest pains, I can’t get my breath and then I blame myself for being so stupid.
At my very lowest point – after my marriage ended and I was in a new relationship
– I had what is termed suicidal ideation and briefly considered ending my life. I don’t think I’d ever have gone through with it but when I was driving home I wondered about crashing the car, just to escape from it all.
Thankfully, with diagnosis came help. Just knowing that there wasn’t something ‘wrong’ with me helped. Acknowledging that my brain is just different.
Of course, looking back I wonder what a difference an early diagnosis would have made.
At school years and in my early working life, I came across as very confident but I had poor self-esteem.
When I became a mother I would beat myself up for my ‘failings’.
Part of my diagnosis means that I have something called ‘rejection sensitive dysphoria’, when I perceive that any kind of feedback is personal criticism. That erodes my confidence even further and affects how I’m behaving. I feel actual physical pain when someone questions my intelligence or my work.
I’m 46 now and I take some medication, which helps me focus. Sadly, it can’t stop the emotional highs and lows and there is some research to suggest that ADHD is affected by hormones, so it’s a challenging time for women of my age who are approaching menopause.
But I’d advise any woman who feels she might have ADHD to do an online test in the first instance. It may lead to a diagnosis and more help. Although it’s still a challenge, I wouldn’t swap having ADHD for the world – it makes me very good at what I do and is part of who I am.
‘If there’s one thing I’ve learned’