Jenny Eclair
Introducin g our fabulous and funny new columnist , comedian Jenny Eclair, who’ll be telling like it is, it in her own witty way…
‘The sun is not everyone’s friend, so I’m careful’
TAN ENVY
This is the worst time of the year for tan envy. With Summer in full swing, the world has become divided into those who have a nice tan already and those who haven’t – and won’t.
Guess which camp I belong to? As a middle-aged woman who can very easily be mistaken for a giant Portuguese Man O’ War jellyfish when swimming in the sea, I’m one of the unfortunate non- tanners.
Of course, some people pull off being pale brilliantly, they usually have that slightly silky pearl-white skin that they have the good sense to keep out of the sun. Those of us who are not creamy white, however, will spend a lifetime trying and failing to get a ‘bit of colour’.
Back in the Seventies, this was done at any cost – and it was a common sight to see girls at my school slathering themselves in olive oil and lying down on sheets of tin foil, like giant pork chops. Some brought in alarm clocks, to remind themselves when to ‘do the other side’.
Now that we’ve realised quite how much damage the sun can do, especially to those of us genetically Celtic in our colouring, we tend to be more cautious.
Last year, I developed a small blister on my top lip that refused to heal completely. My GP diagnosed a cold sore over a FaceTime call (this was back in lockdown one), but I paid to see a dermatologist to be on the safe side. After all, why would I start developing cold sores at 60? He swiftly detected an early potential skin cancer and I was treated accordingly.
This gave me a bit of a stark reminder that the sun is not everyone’s friend, and I’ve been a great deal more careful ever since.
That said, I still crave a healthy glow, the kind of look that some people achieve so easily. ‘Oh yeah, my nan’s Spanish,’ a mate casually informed me the other day, as she turned the colour of peanut butter in front of me.
Meanwhile, I cower in the shade and hope my fake tan isn’t too obvious, which is a joke, considering that whilst my legs and arms look like they’ve spent a few weeks in the Caribbean, my feet and my hands look like they decided to spend Summer in the Arctic!
Roll on Winter…