BMW R1250GS Exclusive TE
Surely the most adaptable, versatile motorcycle ever made. The only problem is… it’s a GS
Perhaps I’ve gone Gs-blind. The BMW has shaped the adventure market for so long its brilliance has become predictable. Another test of big beaky bikes, another victory on Beemer’s tally. And there are so many of the things bobbing around Europe they barely register on my bike-spotting radar. The GS is the Marc Marquez of new bikes; staggeringly capable, head and shoulders clear of rivals, yet derided because its genius is a bit boring.
Which of course is as utterly stupid. How can you criticise something for being too good? Nobody takes a test ride and goes back to the dealer saying, ‘You know what? I want it to be a bit more rubbish.’ Time to stand back, give myself a slap, and open my arms to this clever, ecient, fast, rewarding and practical bike. Because the R1250GS is exceptional. ‘It’s a masterpiece, particularly in fully-loaded TE trim,’ gushes Martin. ‘Crushingly complete, objectively brilliant at virtually everything. It’s powered by one of the very best engines ever made: always ready to serve a fully loaded plate of torque; keen to thrum briskly to the redline; and capable of 60mpg when you’re feeling lazy. It rolls from side-to-side with intuitive ease, stops in an instant, cossets on 1000-mile wet days, slices through morning trac. It can even be coerced into making absurd shapes on a green lane or trackday.’
For something that surely has its own gravitational pull, the BMW’S handling is so light. It’s always a wonder how a full-size Tonka toy can
be so deliciously agile, especially given weight is carried so low with that imposing engine. Except it’s not actually carried all that low. The crank is a big, heavy part spinning bloody fast, the position of which has a huge effect on centre of gravity and handling – and the BMW’S crank centreline is almost at knee height. And higher than the Honda’s. The ‘funny front end’ helps. BMW’S Telelever only uses the forks to provide steering; thrust and suspension forces are whisked away via a wishbone to be dealt with by a front shock (hidden up by the tank) and absorbed by the load-bearing motor. This means the steering is light, and retains this lightness even braking over bumps. With a 19-inch wheel, the GS has crisper, more accurate steering than the Honda and Yamaha with dull forks and 21-inch fronts. A disadvantage of Telelever is less feel, especially as separate load paths mean the front end doesn’t dip under braking. There’s far more feedback from the Honda when scrubbing speed on a sopping B-road, and the engaging Yamaha keeps its rider far more informed of what’s cracking off. The GS counters with a riding position, stance and sense of solidity that mean you simply trust that it’s unflappable. Which it is. So is the sticky-out 1254cc engine. You don’t need to think; simply twist the throttle and go. With the Shiftcam system slipping in a lowlift cam for dawdling, the GS glides through drowsy hamlets in top gear while the Honda and Yamaha need fourth (or even third). Then you tweak the twistgrip and launch into the countryside on a claimed 105 lb.ft of torque (28 grunts more than Honda boast, over twice what the Yam has). The 1250 is as smooth and mildmannered or as boisterous as you desire.
It’s a nice place to be as well. Easily adjusted seat height and levers, preset modes where you feel a difference in response and ride, heated grips, simple screen adjuster and a reachable sidestand. Exclusive TE spec also means twoway quickshifter, cruise, phone connectivity, keyless ride, hill start control, pannier mounts, and enough other trimmings to fill the magazine. At £16,745 it’s pricey – but it feels like a seventeen-grand bike. Despite all this, my typically British underdog love means I can’t help try to make a case for the Honda. Martin shoots me down. ‘The GS is clearly the best bike here, arguably the best anyone’s ever built. Others may make more power, weigh less, cost less, look nicer, steer faster, and make you appear less like a divorced accountant having a midlife crisis. But show me a better all-round, all-road motorcycle. You can’t.’
‘Show me a better all-round, all-road motorcycle than the GS. You can’t’