Naughty or nice, this year Santa’s knee was definitely well out of bounds
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
LAST year, Christmas for the twins was a confusing mix of presents, wrapping paper and a failure to understand why grown ups were wearing paper hats.
This year, it’s an amazing adventure of wonder. We managed to spend almost three hours in a supermarket looking at lights and plastic ornaments last weekend.
The leading role in this drama is, of course, played by Father Christmas. For this reason, Corn Flakes is now their favourite cereal, simply because the box has a massive picture of his face on it. Presumably to sell more to children.
This is despite Kellogg’s depiction of him reminding me of a Santa with a drink problem, who’s fallen on darker, harder times.
Despite the adulation, a few concerns are emerging regarding the big man and the logistics of the festive period.
Firstly, before the rules changed, Thomas was concerned if we stayed at his grandparents on Christmas Eve, how would Santa know where to drop the presents off? Naturally, the explanation is that in the manner of Amazon, you can send gifts to other addresses from your account. The distribution depot will know this and let Santa know when he loads his sleigh.
Secondly, there’s a difference of opinion over Santa’s must-have snack. It has emerged Victoria left a single chocolate and glass of milk for him as a child, whereas I left a large glass of port and a mince pie.
We’ve decided to ditch the milk, definitely keep the port and offer him some cheese, biscuits and maybe a little chutney.
Thirdly, there are concerns that Santa falls into the ‘at risk’ category due to his high BMI and age, therefore has been playing it very safe this year and limiting public exposure. As a result, the twins haven’t seen him, whereas I remember him being omnipresent
in a wide variety of occasionally distressing forms.
Although, when we went to pick up a tree, by sheer chance he’d dropped into a garden centre. There he was behind some Plexiglass, maintaining a 2m distance and sitting on a solitary chair – oddly reminiscent of the scene in Silence of the Lambs where Clarice Starling meets Hannibal Lecter.
Rather than excitedly jumping around, the twins were dumbstruck and a little terrified.
For the next few hours, all they said with wide-eyed amazement was ‘Father Christmas’ repeatedly.
Victoria and I were left unsure whether actually meeting old Saint Nick was a thing of joy or terror. This is usually solved by familiarisation with him in all his guises, but the twins have missed that chance this year. All we can do is hope Christmas 2021 gives them, and everybody else, the opportunity to see a lot more of Santa, and everyone else of course, without the need for social distancing or a mask.