Has the pandemic shifted our tolerance for socialising?
Isn’t it great that we can socialise again? But isn’t it exhausting?
Not long ago, many of us were longing for the day we’d be able to start making plans and seeing people again. Now we can – albeit still in a limited capacity – lots of us are finding it overwhelming.
Our ‘tolerance’ levels seem to have dropped too. Pre-pandemic, a packed diary with after-work drinks, catch-ups and plans every weekend might have been the norm. Now, even a lunch date may leave you hitting a wall, and a Saturday afternoon with friends wipe you out for days (the ‘socialising hangover’).
“People are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted anyway, because we’ve been in survival mode for the last year and a half,” says counsellor Sheila McMahon (mindmanagementforyou.com).
Physiologically and emotionally, it takes time to reset and readjust – it isn’t something we can just bounce back from overnight.
While there’s comfort in knowing many of us are experiencing similar things, Sheila says it’s also a useful time to remember that we’re all different too: “Some people like to get stuck in, some like to take their time.”
There’s no right or wrong, and it’s OK to set a pace that feels good for you. As Rebecca Lockwood, positive psychology and coach trainer, (rebeccalockwood.org.uk) says: “If you feel uncomfortable, take things as slowly as you feel works for you.”
It’s easy to get into a tangle with over-committing, being afraid to say ‘no’, or feeling the pressure not to disappoint others.
“There’s such a difference between assuming and actually asking,” says Sheila, who shares a mental health ‘tip of the week’ on her website and social media channels. “People might be thinking, ‘I don’t want to upset them’ – but you don’t know if it’s going to upset them. You’re making assumptions.”
If you want to socialise but also want a baby-steps approach, think about what that might look like – and normalise having these conversations. This might be setting out a timeframe in advance. That way, says Sheila, “you’re managing other people’s expectations, and your own”.
“I do it all the time,” she adds. “I’ll say, ‘OK, I’ve got from two until four o’clock, let’s have a late lunch or whatever’. Then people know there’s a timeframe and it helps everybody.”
We may be happy restrictions are easing and we can see more of our loved ones again, but Rebecca points out, it’s also normal to be “feeling a bit nervous about having freedom again”.
Plus, perhaps our tolerance levels have shifted. Do you really want to go back to the same pace as before? Would you be happier being a bit more picky and protective with your time?
“Before this pandemic, a lot of people were alive but weren’t really living, if that makes sense, because of the pace of life they’d set themselves,” says Sheila.
“People have had time to reflect. Rather than just going along on the treadmill in autopilot, it’s made people stop and think, ‘how do I want my life to be?”’
Carving out ‘me time’ can be vital self-care and is something we all have the right to prioritise. Right now, if you’re conscious of off-setting exhaustion as we get to grips with socialising again, it’s especially important. But rather than just leaving blank space in your diary, Sheila suggests going a step further.
“Put in what you’re going to do in that blank space. If it’s a walk, a swim, reading a book, just so it’s actually there in writing,” she says. “That way, you’re more likely to do it.”