A paw substitute
Britain seems to have gone a little bit pet potty in Covid times. But could we just be making up for a lack of human interaction?
YOUR dad will be furious!” I shouted in a fit of anger the other day, having found a discreet pool of vomit on the bedroom carpet.
To make matters worse the object of my outrage didn’t even have the grace to look shame-faced.
But then I wasn’t bellowing at one of the kids. I was shouting at the cat. And in that moment, as I pointed accusingly at the unpleasant evidence of Alfie the ginger Tom’s misdemeanour – and terrible greed where Dreamies are concerned – I realised I had become that which I despised.
I was now the sort of person who treats their animals like fellow human beings.
Up to this point I have rolled my eyes at those who referred to their pets as ‘fur babies’ (oh, please!) or dressed their dogs and themselves in matching Christmas jumpers.
I couldn’t understand why people made mouse mats from lovingly taken images of their, er, mice or let their chinchilla sleep on the bed with them.
Animals had their place. And that was very firmly on the floor as well as in my affections.
Now, it seems, all my best intentions have gone to the dogs and even with the kids now no longer at home we are once again a family of four. Except the two cats are even fussier eaters than the children.
The rest of the country seems to be following suit, too.
A new report out this week revealed that 3.2 million households in the UK got a new pet during lockdown.
This, in turn, has led to a booming industry around Christmas gifts for our four-legged friends.
So there’s ‘pawsecco’ on offer so the dog in your life can join the celebrations, Advent calendars for the cats (it says ‘Merry Kittymas on the front) and an entire catalogue of toys for rabbits. Meanwhile, the pet food aisle is now a top-notch gourmet affair with more choice than a Michelinstar restaurant and holiday companies are seeing a boom in ‘bring your pet’ breaks. What has happened here? When did we – I – start to ask the cats’ opinions out loud? When did we start to imbue human emotions on the budgie or have portraits done of the dog? I know the British were always famed for being soft with animals but things seem to have stepped up a gear. Perhaps it’s the pandemic. With so many of us feeling the loss of human contact, maybe it was inevitable that we’d turn to the animal kingdom to deliver the love we craved, give us a purpose in our day and some companionship at night.
Or maybe it’s the fact that humanity can frankly feel a bit rubbish sometimes.
People are complex and difficult and do terrible things to each other. Pets on the other hand will rarely let you down. Except when they vomit in the bedroom.
Anyway, contrary to my earlier beliefs, I don’t think any of this is a bad thing. Whatever gets you through the day, I say.
Although if we have another incident on the carpet a treasured family member may find himself out on his furry ear.
I mean, it’s not like he even pays rent.