Get on board Take a chance and make changes to really reflect city
THE news that the makers of Monopoly were bringing out a new Bristol version of the game to mark the 650th anniversary of the creation of the city and county of Bristol has been greeted with a lot of excitement.
And the board game makers asked the city which places should be included in a Bristol version of the classic property accumulation game. They even produced a few oversized property cards props for the Mayor’s Office to tweet out, showing the Memorial Stadium as one of the cheaper turquoise properties for £110, and Ashton Gate being the match to Trafalgar Square at a more valuable £240.
But in my humble opinion, if the makers of Monopoly want to create a version of their game which truly reflects Bristol in its big anniversary year, they need to change a lot more about the game.
Getting people to say which areas or streets of a city should be on the Monopoly board is what the game makers always do when they launch a new version.
For some it’s a fun exercise of thinking ‘oooh, what should be Mayfair?,’ ‘which stations shall we have?’ For others, it’s a bit predictable and maybe even a bit reductive or judgemental – which place is going to be Bristol’s Old Kent Road?
No, I don’t care whether you want to put some posh street in Clifton as your Mayfair and Withywood as your Old Kent Road. Everyone will have their own opinions on that, and when the game does eventually emerge, it’ll be controversial, I’m sure.
Either they will base it loosely on the house prices in different residential streets, or the property squares will be venues and landmarks – so the more nerdy among us will have to contend with the unrealistic prospect of building houses on top of the aquarium or the floating harbour, Cabot Circus or the zoo. Wait, hold on ....
Anyway, deciding which place goes where doesn’t interest me. I want more wholesale changes. For me, if Bristol is to have its own Monopoly these are the real changes – just for fun – the game needs to make to be an authentic version. Here are nine changes they really need to make...
The Jail square
The jail square on the first corner isn’t a jail, it’s a bus stop in Ashton Vale. You have to wait three goes and then pay £50 for an Uber to continue playing. The ‘Go To Jail’ square on the third corner is a picture of a mechanic at a garage shaking his head as your car heads to the scrapyard, forcing you to wait at a bus stop for a bus that will never arrive.
Free parking
There’s a campervan already permanently parked on it, so anyone landing there has to move on to whatever the next square is - the Bristol version of The Strand.
The playing pieces
What the playing pieces are tokens, they are called - in a game of Monopoly have evolved, and do change, so this should be easy. The classic version of the game I remember included a dog, a top hat, a car and an iron, for some reason, but we need Bristol versions of the playing pieces. They are: a can of spray paint, an e-scooter, a bicycle, a can of Thatchers Gold, a nonCAZ-compliant car and the upsidedown statue of Edward Colston. Choose carefully. Anyone playing with the non-CAZ compliant car has to pay £200 every time they pass Go!, not the other way around. Anyone playing with the upside down statue of Edward Colston gets one go, then has to go and hide in the garden shed for the rest of the game.
Money
The money is all Bristol Pounds, obviously. Finally, they will have met their true calling, those notes. Everyone gets £1,500 as standard,
however, all the properties on the board have increased in value considerably. Old Kent Road on the standard board costs £60 to buy, but the Bristol version will be £60,000, going up to £400,000 for whatever Mayfair is. No one can ever afford to buy anything, and therefore, the game lasts forever.
Short-version Bristol Monopoly
Like the standard Monopoly, there’s a short version of the Bristol one. To play, you have to invite a representative from one of the big Bristol financial/property/consultant institutions around to your house. Someone from Homes England, JLL, the Society of Merchant Venturers, YTL, Galliford Try, KPMG, Dandara or Deeley Freed will do. This guest player automatically owns all the properties from the start, and the aim of the game is to survive longer than the rest of your family before you go bankrupt paying the rents.
Stations
The four stations are Temple Meads, Parkway, Ashton Gate and Lockleaze. If you land on the latter two, you have to wait 25 years for your next turn. In traditional Monopoly, you can’t build homes or hotels on stations, but in Bristol Monopoly, of course you can.
Utilities
Land on the Wessex Water square and you have to pay a fine of £61,548 - the exact amount of money the real life version of the company paid its CEO Colin Skellett for the firm’s ‘environmental performance’ in 2022. If you can’t afford it, you have to drink a cupful out of your own toilet bowl.
The Electric Company square is “Bristol Energy”, and if you land on it, you have to set fire to all your money.
Building homes
Traditional monopoly has little green houses and big red hotels. Anyone playing the Bristol version can also build large grey blocks called PBSAs – Purpose Built Student Accommodation. You don’t need to own all three of the same colour property to start building these either.
Chance and Community Chest
Often the most fun bit of a traditional game – who can ever forget the backhanded compliment of being told you’ve won ‘second prize in a beauty contest’? There’s scope for a huge number of Bristol-specific Chance and Community Chest cards to be written here. Let us know your suggestions by emailing epletters@bepp. co.uk