No one really knows what other people are going through
Grateful for the chance to reflect, Kara Tointon talks to GABRIELLE FAGAN about family, finding inner confidence and counting her blessings
ACHANGE of pace can sometimes be lifeenhancing – and that’s clearly been the case for Kara Tointon. With acting work on hold, she’s been enjoying time at home with her fiance Marius Jensen, and their son, Frey, who turns two in November.
“Everything that happened [with lockdown] kind of forced me to stop and pause, I guess,” says Kara, 37, who has just revealed she is pregnant with her second child.
“I’m normally a bit of a whirlwind, doing as much as I can and keeping going, so this was completely different for me. I loved it, and it also allowed me the space to take stock and re-evaluate things.”
It has perhaps been a timely period for reflection for the actor, who is supporting Remember A Charity – a consortium of charities working to encourage more people to consider leaving a gift to charity in their will.
Away from the spotlight, Kara – who first found fame as feisty Dawn Swann in Eastenders, won Strictly Come Dancing in 2010 and has a string of acclaimed TV and theatre roles under her belt – suffered the loss of her mother, Carol, in March 2019.
Although she doesn’t want to talk about it today – “It’s a little too soon for me,” she confides – she’s had therapy and does meditation.
“They were probably things I’d put off doing, but I’ve used this time as a personal wellbeing moment for me,” Kara says quietly.
“It’s been very beneficial. I can get mentally agitated if I don’t exercise, I’m naturally a very active person, so I’ve started getting back into a routine with that. I’ve also begun painting again, which I’ve always found really relaxing.”
She’s unequivocal about finding fulfilment in motherhood. “Having a child has changed me forever. I love every minute of it. Frey’s a gorgeous little boy.
“We really wanted a sibling for Frey. So we said: ‘If it happens, it happens; let’s go with the flow,’ and it happened much quicker than we expected.
“Marius is an amazing partner and dad and we share Frey’s care 50/50.”
She and Marius, a chiropractor, had planned to marry this year in his home country, Norway.
“We want to enjoy our day properly with all our family and friends around us, without having to worry about last-minute cancellation, so it’s probably going to be next year now,” Kara predicts.
“It’s probably good, as it’s giving me more time to learn Norwegian. We’re bringing up Frey bilingual, which I think will be such a gift,” she explains. “But I need to catch up with him, otherwise I’m worried I may be left out of their conversations! He loves the film Frozen, so we watch that together in Norwegian and as I know all the words in English, it’s a good way to learn together.”
Her 30s, she reveals, have heralded a new era too, bringing a growing sense of inner confidence.
“I’m one
of those people who’s really enjoying getting older. I’m starting to feel more comfortable in myself and realising how pointless worrying about the trivial, silly stuff is,” she says.
“I’ve woken up to what works for me and being who I am, rather than trying to be someone I thought I wanted to be. You realise everyone’s version of ‘what is right’ can be very different from your own. Now, I’m ready to let go a bit and do things that feel good and enjoy them.”
Co-creating a newly launched storytelling app with Marius, called Tell, has proved to be one such experience.
“It’s lovely to have complete control over something, and so exciting doing something different. Showbusiness is brilliant but turbulent, because you’re always living with uncertainty,” she says.
“It’s a conundrum for me, because I like certainty and knowing where I am, but equally I crave variety, so it’s a difficult balance.”
One experience she definitely treasures is competing on Strictly Come Dancing – despite suffering a nasty torn ligament in her arm.
“I was in such pain, I thought I’d have to pull out. I was dosed up on strong pain killers to get me through it,” she recalls. “I can’t watch back the final dances, because I can see the pain I was in and the restricted movement, but the moment we won was unbeatable,” she says.
Her outlook on life, she says, is shaped by “trying to put myself in other people’s shoes. No one really knows what other people are going through – these days we can all see the bits people want us to see – but people can have things going on which we may not know about.
“Life has its ups and downs. It’s about coping with the downs when they come, and enjoying the ups and appreciating what you have. “I’m very lucky and very happy.”
■ Kara is supporting Remember A Charity. To find out more, visit rememberacharity.org.uk