It’s quality, not quantity when helping children make friends

If your child is lonely, helping them forge close bonds with one or two peers can be the confidence boost they need

Q

My 10-year-old daughter has very few friends, and seems to have even less after the pandemic restrictions. How can I help her make more friends? I don’t want her to be lonely.

A

School closures have been especially tough on children’s social lives, and you’re certainly not alone in your concerns.

“We’re all going to be a bit socially rusty after a year of back-and-forth distancing from each other.

Remember children are a lot more adaptable than adults in this respect, and school is a place where friendships will pick up again after a break.

Outside school, encourage play in whatever form your daughter enjoys – it’s a lot easier for children to form friendships and learn social skills through play than by making conversation, so as pandemic restrictions ease, aim for fun, no-pressure social situations like playgrounds, the beach or the woods. Just being around other children will be helpful, even if she doesn’t end up joining in with other kids.

If she struggles with friendships or loneliness at school, I’d recommend speaking to her teacher. Children’s emotional wellbeing will be at the forefront of many teachers’ minds and it’s in their interest to have a happy class. They’ll also have insights into classroom dynamics and ideas for potential new friends.

It’s really tough to think of her being unhappy while she’s away from you, especially after so much change and time together, and I’d recommend simply being open, curious and ready to listen to her about what she’s feeling.

Quality counts far more than quantity when it comes to friendships, and it might be that she prefers to have one or two close friends rather than a larger group. Nurture the relationships she does have – ask after her existing friends and look for opportunities for them to spend time together outside school when it’s possible.

Make the most of family activities and plan time that’s just the two of you, doing something she loves. The more you connect and encourage her, the more her confidence and ability to connect with other children will grow.

Just being around other children will be helpful, even if she doesn’t end up joining in with other kids... Poppy O’neill, pictured above

Help Your Child Make Friends by Poppy O’neill is published by Vie Books, priced £9.99.

Lockdown has made it tough for children to make new friends