‘It all became too much’ for diver’s widow but she got help and now she is doing the same for other sufferers
DURING MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK, A MUM WHO LOST HER YOUNG HUSBAND IN A SEA TRAGEDY DESCRIBES IS URGING OTHERS STRUGGLING WITH GRIEF TO SPEAK UP
A FORMER flight attendant who was almost left homeless following the tragic death of her husband on an international diving expedition is urging others struggling with grief to speak up during Mental Health Awareness Week.
It is 12 years since Carl Spencer – one of the world’s most accomplished deep-sea wreck explorers – suffered a seizure at his 40m decompression spot. Carl was leading and filming a documentary commissioned by National Geographic on board the ill-fated HMHS Brittanic; the sister ship of the Titanic.
The Brittanic sank off the Greek island of Kea in the Aegean Sea in 1916 and it wasn’t until almost 60 years later, in 1975, that the wreckage was discovered by scuba diving pioneer, Jacques-yves Cousteau.
Carl, who had travelled the world exploring the oceans and had ambitions of exploring space, too, was just 39 when he died, leaving behind wife Victoria Spencer-kibble and their two young children Ben and Georgia, who were eight and three respectively at the time.
Grief stricken Victoria, who lives in Kings Bromley, gave up her job to take care of her bereaved children and as the financial strain began to take its toll, she was forced to sell her husband’s prize possessions – including his Rolex watch and helicopter, which was subsequently purchased by former Top Gear presenter Richard Hammond – in order to keep a roof over the family’s head.
“It all became too much,” said Victoria, who turned to rapid transformational therapy (RTT) – and has gone on to set up her own business, VASK therapy, to help others suffering with mental health issues.
“The secondary losses which follow a young death and inevitable spousal grief were overwhelming. The intense stress and all-consuming anxiety made it a difficult time for us as a family and those first few days after we received the news of Carl’s death were a total blur.
“Carl had been an expedition leader on numerous international deep-sea excursions. It was his true passion and diving was what he excelled at.
“He loved taking part in the documentaries . . . Carl loved leading the team, filming and photographing. He had been lucky enough to be a part of two exploration dives to the Titanic, one with Time Team TV presenter Tony Robinson and another with film director James Cameron, who created Titanic.
“As a family, we were fortunate enough to travel the world exploring the most amazing places and meeting extraordinary people. We went swimming with shark experts Ron and Valerie Taylor, who had worked on the iconic Jaws films and Ben, my son, was just three when he did his first dive. Like his dad, he’s a natural. “Carl was the most amazing man; he was selfish occasionally with his time because he passionately wanted to – and did – achieve so much in his short life. But he could be in a room full of people and he’d glance over to me and the kids and I knew just how much he loved us. “Carl’s death was just a terrible, terrible accident. The cause of his death was decompression of the brain; there were attempts to revive him, but I believe that he was dead on arrival at Athens hospital.
I had one session to help me cope with the griefstricken stress and anxiety – and it literally changed my life.
Victoria Spencerkibble
“The children and I were totally oblivious to what was happening in Greece. It was a hot day, we lived in
Lichfield at the time, and we had gone shopping for a paddling pool. One of those sturdy ones – we all love being around water.
“The time difference and awaiting the ascent of Carl’s body meant that it was international news, on all TV and radio stations, at the same time I received that fateful phone call from Carl’s best friend, Leigh Bishop.
“I fell to my knees on the floor in shock and the children began screaming; I just couldn’t believe it. The grief hit us instantly – he was so very young and had so much more to give.”
Carl’s body was flown back to the UK and plans were made for his funeral.
“I didn’t grieve properly for quite a while afterwards,” added Victoria, “I was in a delayed-grief suspended state, trying to figure everything out. Things like what music everyone
would like to hear at his funeral. I was trying to please, support and comfort everyone else and had no energy for myself.
“Other than losing a child, there’s absolutely nothing worse, I don’t think, than losing a spouse and Daddy.”
Putting a brave face on, Victoria carried on as best she could for the sake of the children.
However, it all came to a head when, 18 months after Carl’s death, Victoria endured eight seizures in one hour after catching a virus and came close to death herself.
She was rushed to hospital by her sister, Sharon, and mum, Marlies, who subsequently moved into the family home to take care of the children.
“I hadn’t been eating or sleeping much. I was just existing,” said Victoria.
“I wasn’t well and the stress caused me to have the seizures. I contracted Epiglottis – known as old-fashioned croup; an air-borne virus which only one in five adults survives.
“I was in a coma at Burton’s Queens Hospital for 11 days and I was just minutes from dying. I’m strong, though, and I surprised the doctors by making a miraculous recovery.
“That was a turning point in my life. I vowed, from that moment on, to always be physically and mentally healthy. Stress is a silent killer. I didn’t want my children to lose both parents in less than 18 months.”
Victoria also started taking an interest in how the brain functions and, during an in-depth internet search, she read about the success of RTT; a hybrid form of Rapid Hypnotherapy which aims to quickly identify deeply embedded blocks and beliefs which stand in the way of living a healthy and vibrant life.
“I had one session with therapist Bryony Whiteley – to help me cope with the grief-stricken stress, anxiety and lack of sleep – and it literally changed my life,” said Victoria, who held free sessions for NHS and keyworkers during the coronavirus pandemic.
“I was blown away by how much I took from my session with Bryony that I knew I had to help others. I wanted to help change their lives like mine had been changed.
“We all carry trauma in our lives; there is a lot of stress and anxiety at the moment as we ease our way out of lockdown. RTT helps find the root, the reason, cause and issue of that problem and re-wires the interpretation around the trauma leading to permanent results rapidly.
“I’ve helped clients reframe stress, anxiety, sleep, shame, guilt, childhood abuse, trauma and addiction during the last 12 months, working with people around the world; people from India, Australia and Canada via Zoom. It’s been incredibly rewarding.”
As well as children Ben and Georgia, one of Victoria’s biggest supporters is her second husband, Stewart Kibble.
“Stewart’s life has changed completely since my very-first ‘practise’ VASK session on him,” said Victoria.
“He was born deaf. He has no ear drums and, four years ago, he told me that he wanted to improve his confidence; he wanted to run a marathon.
“During that first session, where we both laughed and cried, we managed to get to the root of why Stewart was lacking in confidence – something we believe formed in his childhood – and worked on that.
“And in 2019, he ran the London Marathon. His confidence is blossoming and he is inspiring others to achieve their goals, whether it be running, in his work as a management accountant for CAT, or within our wonderful, loving family life.
“He is absolutely amazing; he’s my rock. Life is precious, waste time wisely.
“I helped to change his life and I want to help make a difference to others, too.”