What new mums can really expect
As many mothers admit ‘horror’ at their experiences during and after birth, a midwife tells LISA SALMON what could be in store
A SURVEY of 2,000 mums found 78% were left horrified by the processes their body went through during and after childbirth, and wish people talked more honestly about it.
More than a third (36%) felt unprepared for the ‘fourth trimester’ – the 12 weeks after the birth.
“There will be many trying times during the first few years of parenthood, and they won’t all work out the way you’d planned or hoped,” warns Chelsea Hirschhorn, CEO of parenting brand Frida (frida.com), which carried out the study.
Clare Livingstone, professional policy advisor at the Royal College of Midwives (rcm.org.uk), says the overriding feeling when new mums reflect on their childbirth and postpartum journey should be pride, not horror at what their body goes through.
“New mothers should rightly feel very proud of what they’ve achieved, but clearly there are unexpected effects from childbirth.”
Here, Clare outlines some of the things new mothers may not have prepared for during the birth and fourth trimester...
Your birth plan won’t necessarily be followed
“It’s important that mums and dads have an open mind about the birth so, while a birth plan is a great idea and it focuses people’s minds, it isn’t a fixed plan that can’t be changed,” Clare explains.
“Ideas may change on the day, and that’s fine. It’s good to be flexible, and mums should be kind to themselves too. Birth plans get you thinking about what it is you’d like, and alerts others to what your choices are likely to be.
“It doesn’t matter if you change your mind, there’s no wrong way of doing things, it’s a personal choice.”
Unimaginable tiredness
“Tiredness is probably the number one unexpected effect,” warns Clare. New parents are blown off their feet with that – nothing can prepare you for it. I don’t think anyone’s advice could warn you about how tired you’re going to feel. Lots of rest is what’s needed, when it’s possible!”
It’s vital to ask for help
“Get the family in to help with the practical stuff like making meals, cleaning, and laundry, and mums trying to avoid those really physical tasks. Women should always mobilise postnatally, but I wouldn’t say they should hang out the washing and that sort of thing.”
You can ask your midwife anything
“There’s no such thing as a silly question. Midwives have seen and heard it all, so never think your midwife will judge you. They’ll be pleased you’re asking questions – it’s a good sign.”
Breastfeeding won’t necessarily be easy
“Breastfeeding is always challenging, but especially so for first-time mums – they need support and reassurance.
“There is a bit of pain and discomfort, but that will alleviate as you get used to it and more practised, and get the positioning correct.
“The baby has to learn too – you’re learning the whole thing together.”
Be prepared to not be prepared!
The research found 26% of mums wished they’d known how painful childbirth could be, and the same percentage wished they known just how long labour can be – but these things are unique to every mother and simply can’t be predicted.
“These things are usually discussed,” says Clare. “Whether you’re ready for that information until things are actually happening is another matter.
“You need to be ‘in the zone’ to be ready to absorb information you’ve been given, otherwise it’s only hypothetical.
“It’s only once you’re living it that you can take it on board.”
“Everyone’s different and not every solution fits every mother – it’s whatever works for you, as long as it’s not unsafe.”