Up to the mark
Years ago, I used to frequent car accessory shops. They were a magnet to a young motoring enthusiast, even though I could rarely afford the stuff on offer. Still, I enjoyed looking. I was particularly attracted to rally-type gear such as rev-counters, map-reading lights and the selection of bright, shiny and highly impressive-looking auxiliary lamps that were always on display.
In the event, I would satisfy myself with the odd sticker, such as ‘Power Brakes’ (which I slapped on the boot lid of my Sunbeam Rapier), a tinted window kit (which exploded and covered everything, including me, in blue dye... well, everything except the windscreen, that is) and paint that made your tyres look like factory white walls.
Thus I was enthralled when a branch of Halfords opened in my home town. It seemed massive and had rows and rows of things that I could actually afford, particularly aerosol paint tins and the cheap body filler so essential for the jalopies of the day.
Over the years, many of the accessory shops closed, for whatever reason, and Halfords seemed to lose its edge and became decidedly dated. Then a transformation began and its image was gradually improved, as was the range of goods.
Now, the two branches of Halfords that I often visit offer an incredible array of wares that really do serve a purpose: spanners (and good ones, too), paint, all manner of service parts, fancy alloy wheels, sat-navs and other in-car devices, loads of cleaning products – as I said, a totally comprehensive package.
Anyway, the other day I needed a drop of oil for the Cruiser – they use about a pint every 1000 miles, even when new – and popped into Halfords to buy a container. You select your car on a computer touch screen and the recommended lube comes up. I was a little confused when the screen told me I needed Ford oil, but the counter assistant checked it out and assured me it was right, because some oils serve several cars.
A notice caught my eye offering a free oil check and top-up. That was a pretty good deal. Then a naughty thought went through my head: what if you drained the sump and fitted a new filter, towed your car into the car park and asked an assistant to top up the level? That would be a jolly good wheeze.
I will now, in this politicallycorrect society where you can get sued for sneezing in public, point out that the top-up service is offered with strict terms and conditions and that I am merely attempting to be humorous. Just joking, OK?
‘I was enthralled when Halfords opened in town’