The Good, the Bad & the Ugly

Totally unique guide to EVERY car on sale in the UK, with a punchy view on all of them – yours included

ABARTH

595 #####

Pricey pocket rockets with divine details, dodgy dynamics and a choice of 1.4-litre turbocharged engines in various stages of steroidal over-compensation VERDICT Like a small yappy dog: noisy, excitable and likely to give you a headache

124 SPIDER #### #

Tuning division’s take on Fiat’s take on the Mazda MX-5, with tweaked brakes, engine, steering and suspension VERDICT A delight to drive, but the rational decision is to go for a better-value Mazda

ALFA ROMEO

MITO #####

Decent engines but generally rubbish to drive, Alfa’s soggy-handling, hard-riding premium mini is crucified by the real thing and Audi’s A1

VERDICT At least it’s got its looks. No, wait. It’s an ugly Alfa. It’s got nothing

GIULIETTA #####

Looked like a credible Golf rival for a while but now the game has moved on. Keen prices, but several rivals are roomier, classier and more fun to drive VERDICT Miles better than a Mito. Miles better than a 4C, even. But, unfortunately, miles behind a Golf

4C 4C SPIDER #####

Sexy carbon two-seater over-promises and under-delivers on a double-your-dong-length web-scam scale. Spider a step in right direction

VERDICT Shoots for the moon, hits itself in the foot. Lotus Elise more fun, Porsche Cayman a better bet

GIULIA #### #

Good grief – an Alfa Romeo we can finally recommend that you buy. Auto-only 3-series rival has sharp steering, sultry looks, great driving position. Bellissimo! VERDICT Note to dealers: don’t cock it up

STELVIO #### #

Either we’ve collectively entered another dimension or Alfa has just built two excellent cars in a row. Now we just need everyone to start buying them again VERDICT Worth the risk at least once in your life

GIULIA QUADRIFOGLIO ##### Like a regular Giulia doped up by Lance Armstrong, this 191mph, 503bhp rocket is a quadruple shot of espresso for Alfa’s long lamented soul. At last VERDICT The closest you can currently get to a four-door Ferrari. Really.

That good

ALPINA

D3 B3 #### #

3-series derivatives with twin-turbo petrol and diesel stonk and smooth auto ’boxes mated to a quality chassis, but watch out for some questionable OAP-spec interior finishes

VERDICT Try an xDrive D3 Touring – it’s what the M3 wants to be when it grows up

D4 B4 #### #

Same blend of fast and frugal as above but slotted into slinkier 4-series shell. ZF auto not as snappy as M4’s twin-clutch, but much smoother VERDICT 53mpg and 62mph in 4.6sec? And you’re alright with this, BMW?

D5 B5 #### #

Twin-turbo B5 petrol V8’s 590lb ft could de-forest the Amazon while planet-loving D5 doesn’t let meagre 155g/km prevent 174mph max VERDICT You can’t have a real M5 Touring, but this comes close

B7 #####

BMW doesn’t make an M7, but Alpina does. Twin-blown petrol V8 delivers ‘bahn-busting performance that’s best enjoyed in Germany

VERDICT Niche Merc S63 AMG alternative hamstrung by the ugliness of the raw materials

XD3 #####

X3 35d-based high-rise hot-rod delivers 350bhp, 516lb ft, and the horizon through your windscreen. Spoiled by a rock-hard ride

VERDICT Another niche BMW that Munich leaves to Alpina. Porsche Macan is better

ARIEL

ATOM #### #

Only the Pope’s lips get more up close and personal with the tarmac than an Atom driver, but there’s zero protection when the heavens open VERDICT Spectacular toy. Great on track, barmy on road. Chassis doubles as a clothes airer, which is just as well…

NOMAD #####

Not content with terrifying on tarmac, Ariel now o¦ers the o¦-road Nomad. Gains a roll-over structure but, like the Atom, still no doors

VERDICT Don’t forget to put the hot water on – you’ll be needing a long, hot bath when you get home

ASTON MARTIN

VANTAGE #### #

A truly convincing 911 rival that’s impressively aggressive and thrillingly quick. Interior is pleasingly solid but lacks fizz VERDICT A stunner to look at and rewarding to drive

DB11 #### #

Slick aero slinkiness, belting V12 turbocharged charmer and, crucially, Merc help with the wiring VERDICT Finally the right blend of much needed new stu¦ and classic Aston charm results in a cut-above GT

DBS SUPERLEGGERA #### #

Superlight it isn’t and can’t match the spine tingle of a Ferrari Superfast but stunning to look at, incredibly quick and is dripping with prestige

VERDICT A proper flagship GT, but softeredged than an 812

RAPIDE #### #

Take that, Panamera! Aston shows Porsche how to make a supercar/saloon cocktail. Forget all the limo pretensions, though: it’s a four-door 2+2 VERDICT Pretty, but interior more dated than a New York socialite and almost as hard on your wallet

ALPINE

ALPINE A110 #####

Desirable, cleverly packaged and dynamics to die for. A bit pricey and the interior lacks wow but the Cayman should be seriously worried

VERDICT Reborn Alpine has smashed it clean out of the park

AUDI

A1 HATCH SPORTBACK #### # Posh Polo does it all, from 1.0 miser to S1 micro rocket. Not cheap, even before you’ve splurged on options; £30k on a supermini is but a mouse click away VERDICT Classy Mini-rival that doesn’t turn into Quasimodo when you tick the five-door option

A3 HATCH S’BACK SALOON #####

King of quality in this sector, but adrenalin isn’t specified among the standard kit VERDICT Brilliant hatch and not much of a financial gulf to a Golf. We recommend a sporty S-line on supple SE chassis

A3 CABRIOLET #### #

Premium sun-grabber without macho sportscar posturing. A bit tight in the back, but pretty tight in the bends too. Try a 1.8 TFSI Sport

VERDICT Definitely worth the £2k premium

over Golf

RS3 #### #

The superhatch/saloon for those lacking in imagination and/or driving talent, RS3 struts its stu¦ best in a straight line VERDICT Only feel a little bit ashamed for wanting one in preference to something more nimble