The American invasion – of our language

WHEN the Beatles, the Stones, the Kinks and other “beat combos” took America by storm in the 1960s, it was referred to as “the British Invasion”. But the Yanks got their revenge in the early ’70s when the stealthy Americanisation of our vocabulary began, replacing words and phrases that had served us and our forefathers – and foremothers – perfectly well.

The first blatantly American expression that infiltrated Britain was “Have a nice day!” which was adopted by shop assistants, petrol pump attendants (remember them?), receptionists and everyone else who dealt with the public.

Saying “Have a nice day” to someone is meaningless because the person who says it has no power over the myriad external forces (luck/fate/ destiny) that govern whether the person they say it to has a “nice” day or merely an averagely miserable one.

But try explaining that to the lady in Greggs who sold you a corned beef pastie and you’ll get a blank look for your trouble.

Today, no-one realises they’re speaking cod-american.

Just last week when a friend and I went into a restaurant, a young, enthusiastic waiter greeted us with “Hi, guys!”

Guys?

The restaurant was in a Welsh town. Not on 59th Street, NYC.

British waiters used to greet you with “Good evening sir, madam” or, if you were regular customers, a subtly whispered “Don’t eat the fish!”.

I knew exactly what the waiter would say next because in every restaurant I’ve eaten recently, the next thing every waiter or waitress says is “I’ll grab you some menus!”

I always thought when you “grab” something you have to snatch or forcibly remove it from somewhere or somebody.

With dozens of spare menus around the place, why would waiting staff have to “grab” them when they can gently pick them up and hand them to the customer?

As waiting staff all over the UK started using the word “grab” at the same time, I can only think an edict must have been issued by the Head Waiter In Charge Of All Waiters, along these lines…

“Let it be known that from this day henceforth you will not ‘bring’ customers a menu, you will ‘grab’ them”?

How does that explanation grab you?