Sally's reading
Dear sally
Nearly four years ago my beautiful son was hit by a car and suffered a traumatic brain injury. We were told that he wouldn’t survive, and then if he did survive, that he would never walk or talk again. To my enormous gratitude, he did survive, and does walk and talk. I am so very proud of how far he has come.
Fast forward to October 2018, and their wonderful dad (my ex husband) was killed in an horrific incident, it haunts us all. Were the two horrible incidents linked? Did one have to die so that the other survived? Personally I feel guilt that it was him, not me, that was taken. Do my children feel that the wrong parent died? I also know my darling daughter is really struggling with bad dreams, and unhelpful thoughts.
Please, please help to ease a bit of our pain, and let us know that there is hope, and their dad is happy and safe. Thank you. Beki Moon, Bourne, Lincolnshire
Dear beki
I read your email and I have to say it bought tears to my eyes. My heart goes out to you and if I can help in a small way then let me try.
First of all if I can say I can really sense your son who had the traffic accident will improve month after month and year after year, until there will come a time when it will be difficult to recognise he had such an horrific accident.
I pick up the presence of your ex-husband in your home around the children and yourself. His presence brings love and support, and he shows his great admiration to all of you in living your lives. He wants you to know that his passing was going to happen and is no way because your son survived.
He certainly does not want you to feel guilty as he is saying what a wonderful mother you are, and that you need balance and the right motivation to continue the amazing job you do as a single parent.
When I look at your daughter, she just needs support and realistic understanding of her anxiety, which is causing her dreams and confusion. You can help by asking her to talk about her dreams, but try not to analyse them with her as this will send out messages that they are nightmares, and you don’t want her to think that. As time goes by, her anxiety will gradually ease.
I wish you nothing but the best for the future and I know that your excellent parenting/ mothering will continue to sustain your family.
Beki says
Thank you so much, this has made me cry, but brought me some comfort. I look forward to sharing it with my family.