Deal made Not afraid
For the next 24 hours, no matter how many times I begged, David wouldn’t let me leave the apartment. I was being held hostage. Petrified, another clear thought entered my head.
Look him in the eye.
As I did, I felt the dynamic between us change.
David knew I wasn’t afraid of him. He was losing his power. But something also told me this wasn’t going to end until he got something.
I made a deal with David and let him masturbate over me while Richard was in the other room. He also took my knickers. Anything to prevent something worse…
Then, David acted as if nothing had happened. Asked if we could stay in touch! No chance.
After fleeing, I boarded the next bus to Quebec. As soon as it pulled out of the station, I broke down in tears, started shaking.
Back with Estelle’s friends, I took a few too many painkillers.
It wasn’t a suicide attempt, more a cry for help. I knew I needed support, just didn’t know how to ask for it. After, I had a clear vision. I could see a candle flame – I was being given a choice. I could leave this earth or live.
That moment gave me the strength to tell my parents what had happened.
Soon, I was on the next flight home. I hadn’t taken enough pills for them to have lasting effects. I put thousands of miles between me and my attacker, but the damage he’d done stayed with me for years. It affected relationships, and I had numbness in my pelvis and legs. A physical side effect of my emotional pain. Then I found out about Somatic Experiencing, a form of natural trauma therapy. It helped me love my body again. In 2010, I became a qualified practitioner. Now, I help others who are
suffering. I’ve also written a self-help book, A Guide To Being A Better Being.
Looking back - years on - I realise how naive I was, but I’d grown up in rural Wales.
I firmly believe a Divine force was guiding me that dreadful day. How else could I have gone from a point of extreme fear to one of supreme strength?
I wasn’t on my own, and I can’t bear to think about what would’ve happened had I been.
But I’m proof that, even in the darkest hour, the light comes to save us.
I was being given a choice I found the strength to tell my parents
Helping others: Qualified practitioner