Not meant to be?
Had I really lost my soulmate for good? Sam Macmillan, 43, Cheltenham
We’d talk for hours about anything and everything
Walking across the pub, I batted my eyelashes at a handsome bloke leaning against the bar.
‘Can I take this stool?’ I asked.
‘Sure,’ he said, grinning back at me.
Tall, with floppy dark hair, he was gorgeous.
‘Check him out,’ I whispered, back with my mates.
It was April 1992 and I was in the middle of doing my GCSEs.
Me and my pals had sneaked into the local pub for a drink.
As the night went on, I couldn’t keep my eyes off my new crush.
And, a little Dutch courage later, we finally started chatting.
‘I’m Derek,’ he introduced himself as I blushed.
He told me he was 17, trying to figure out what he was doing with his life.
I told him about my plans to do A Levels and then go to university.
By the end of the evening, we’d swapped numbers.
We spent hours chatting on the phone.
My parents scolded me for running up the bill!
I didn’t care, I’d fallen in love with him. Every weekend, we’d listen to our favourite The Cure or Ramones songs, and talk for hours about anything and everything.
I could tell Derek anything.
Only, in January 1993, my parents decided to move 180 miles from Reading to Devon.
Torn, I wanted to be nearer to my cousins who lived down south.
But it meant that I’d be leaving Derek behind.
‘I can’t not have you in my life,’ I sobbed into his arms.
‘We’ll stay friends,’ he suggested.
‘And speak all the time?’ I pleaded.
He nodded, giving me a hug.
True to his word, Derek rang me every week.
Even hitch-hiked to see me every school holiday.
One afternoon, in the summer of 1996, we were sitting on the sand dunes, watching planes fly overhead.
‘Maybe you should apply for the RAF,’ I suggested. ‘You’d look good in a pair of Ray-Bans!’ ‘Maybe,’ he laughed. For months, I forgot about that conversation.
But then Derek called me. ‘I applied to the RAF and I’ve been accepted,’ he explained. ‘They’re posting me overseas!’
He was so excited. And, of course, I was happy for him.
But I felt a pang of sadness. Stationed in Germany, he’d be even further away from me. I was going off to university in Plymouth. Our lives were moving in different directions. Over the next couple of years, Derek kept in touch from his base in Germany. And soon he told me he’d got a girlfriend. Then, I met someone new. In 1999,
Derek rang me out of the blue.
‘We’re talking about marriage,’ he whispered. ‘I have to ask whether there is any chance for us before I go ahead?’
My heart hammered. Wasn’t this the moment I’d always dreamt of?
I sucked in a breath of air, panic rising.
Although I was single, I was about to go travelling around Asia and Australia.
How on earth would we make it work?
‘No, I don’t think there is,’ I told him, sobs already rising in my throat.
He thanked me for being honest with him.
Hanging up, I bawled my eyes out.
I’d always hoped we’d end up together, but now he was marrying someone else.
Had I really let my soulmate go for good?