PROBLELITTLELITTLECAR,BIGPROBLEMS

OWNED SINCE

FIRST REPORT

TOTAL MILEAGE

LATEST COSTS

TJuly 2014

57,000 miles £0

here has been a force in my life for two years now that dons the face of a Labrador puppy but hides the killer instinct of a rabid badger – however, luckily, I don’t share this burden alone.

It is here where my sister and her partner should take a bow, as without them this little Mini Mayfair would never have found a home. During a moment of madness where all three of us found the allure of a red Mini on eBay too much to ignore, we split the cost three ways to save her from the jaws of the crusher.

How could you not fall for the charms of an old Mini? With bags of grip, an addictive, freerevving powertrain and aesthetics that could melt even the frozen heart of Theresa May, our Mini brought us all together like never before. Christened ‘Audrey’ by my Hepburn-obsessed sibling, those lucky enough to get near her have fallen in love with its cheeky splendour. Yet, there is something tragic about Audrey.

Despite a design that tugs at the heart strings, we have never managed to complete any journey without some sort of mechanical breakdown, something catching fifire or something cutting out. Its fifinest moment was when the lights died on the Dunbar to Edinburgh bypass, at 11pm, on the coldest November evening on record. If the Italian Job had been undertaken with Minis’ like this one, the car chase would have been very different indeed – as it would have lasted only four miles before the head gasket exploded.

Sheer dedication on our behalf has pulled the Mini through various repairs and we shudder to think how much money has been ploughed This is such a familiar sight that it hurts – and our Calum isn’t expecting it to go away any time soon. into her. Sadly, for the past year she has stood in underground storage with more complex problems than a Cambridge maths exam. The last I spent time with Audrey, three of her wheels had locked solid and the engine was seized, but this isn’t the end of her story.

I mean, how could you ever put a Mini down? That would be like kicking Old Yeller in the head. It won’t be an easy job, but Audrey will grace the tarmac again – hopefully before the year is out. The fifirst job is to replace the muchused fifire extinguisher, before then buying some Valium tablets for the rebuild process.