Inside the uk’s loneliness epidemic
Recently it was revealed that more young people than ever find it hard to make friends and one in eight mums admits to feeling lonely. closer looks at the reasons why
Corrine Hounslow, 26, has a busy life juggling two jobs and looking after her two young children. The last thing you’d expect her to be is lonely. But the married mum-of-two only has a few close friends and even asks for extra shifts as a care worker so that she has people to talk to.
Corrine is one of a growing number of young people struggling with loneliness. A recent survey by the charities Relate and Relationships Scotland showed that seven million Brits – one in eight – don’t have close friends.
Meanwhile, a recent poll carried out by Nationwide found that nearly nine out of 10 people aged between 18 and 34 have felt lonely, compared with seven in 10 over-55s.
SERIOUS SIDE-EFFECTS
The side-effects of loneliness can be serious: it can trigger depression, paranoia and anxiety and is a known factor in suicides.
So what’s behind the problem? Denise Knowles, from the relationship counselling charity Relate, explains: “Building relationships takes time and effort. We’re living in a society where everyone is doing a million things at once and trying to juggle work with childcare. Friendships are no longer top priority.
“Social media means that there’s a danger that people use it as a way to keep in touch with others without meeting up in the real world.
“Many people have hundreds of friends online, but a lot of these are old acquaintances they haven’t seen in years – they couldn’t necessarily count on most of them in times of need. It’s a good idea to keep in touch online, but if you do this rather than meet face to face that can increase isolation.
“It’s also vital we teach our children not to be reliant on social media, so they develop social skills and meaningful relationships in real life.”
Corrine, from Portsmouth – who has Charlie, one, and Harry, five – has been struggling with feelings of loneliness for several years.
DRIFTING APART
Corrine says: “People might be surprised to hear I’m lonely, despite having a husband and two kids. But you need a good friendship group around you and it’s tough not having that.
“I’ve drifted apart from a lot of my school friends and mums at my kids’ school can be cliquey. My husband works long hours in retail so I don’t see him much either.
“Social media doesn’t help as mums are more interested in chatting online and no one has time for a coffee. I ask for extra shifts in my care worker job so I have some adult company.”
Corrine – who also works as a vlogger for Channelmum.com – got pregnant aged 19 and began to drift apart from her friends. She explains: “I fell pregnant unexpectedly with my boyfriend of a year and suddenly my life was going on a different path. We moved in together, while my friends were going off to uni or focusing on careers.”
Corrine found it tough making friends with other mums.
She says: “I’m quite shy and found the mums in baby groups were cliquey. I’d chat to them on social media but when it came to meeting up it just didn’t happen.”
Corrine went on to have her second son, Charlie, one, and her feelings of isolation increased.
She explains: “When Charlie was nine months I went back to work full time and juggling my job with looking after the kids made it even harder to maintain friendships. Sometimes I’ll get home at eight and my husband won’t be back until nine, and by then I’m too exhausted to go out. I have a few friends with kids but we struggle to pin down a time to meet. At times I feel really fed up about it – it’s been six months since I went out for a drink.
“Loneliness can make me feel depressed. I need to widen my friendship group, but at the minute I don’t know how to.”
SUPERFICIAL FRIENDS
Shirley Healey, 22, struggles with loneliness as well and says social media is partly to blame.
The single brunette from Kent says: “I have hundreds of online friends but I don’t think I’d talk to most of them in the real world. Social media is very superficial; everyone is so busy trying to prove they’re having a great time, but no one meets up. I’ll see my friends once every few months and then that’s it for a while.”
Growing up, Shirley – whose parents split soon after she was born – had lots of school friends, but once she left school she began to feel lonely.
She recalls: “I was popular at school, but lots of people moved away and I began feeling isolated.
“I’m a full-time carer for my mum, who has spinal problems. It means I don’t have a lot of free time and the few friends I have are busy with their lives.”
Now Shirley hopes moving out of the area may help.
She says: “I’m planning to move to London to pursue an acting career, meet some friends and have a fresh start. I’m looking into getting a carer for Mum.
“People shouldn’t underestimate how important friendship groups are – you need them to keep you sane. I hope I can rebuild mine.”
‘People prefer to chat online rather than actually meet up’