COPING WHEN YOUR EX MOVES ON
Watching your ex start a relationship with their new partner can be extremely difficult, but try to be civil and friendly to ensure your children aren’t affected by the changes
IKatherine Heigl is overtaken by raging jealousy when her ex moves on. No matter how amicable your split, the likelihood is that you will still hope your ex’s new love interest is a downgrade compared to you.
It’s completely normal to feel a little resentment and competition, but if you find yourself constantly obsessing over the way she looks or constantly checking her social media accounts, take a step back and remind yourself that your relationship ended for a reason.
If you’re struggling to do that, block your ex and their new partner on social media so you can’t waste hours over them, and ask your friends to stop you when you talk about them. These boundaries will help you to stay sane and move on.
If you hang out in the same social groups and are likely to cross paths, diplomacy is required. If you can’t face the idea of seeing them, agree to see your mates separately. If you can handle contact, keep things pleasant and brief. If your ex puts on a major peacock display with his new partner, take heart in the knowledge that the only reason they’re probably doing that is to prove how “OK” they are with you two being “over,” which is actually evidence of insecurity. Ignore any childish display, rise above it and enjoy your night maturely.
PRIORITISE CHILDREN
If you have children, it’s essential to be cordial. See the new partner as an individual who is totally separate to your ex and, if you’re friendly, the likelihood is they will be relieved and will behave similarly towards you. They may become step-parent to your children, so getting to know them a little could be a huge help in the long run. Whenever you see one another say hello and make a bit of polite small talk. You don’t need a deep and bonded relationship, you simply need to show your children that there is no animosity between you.
As the years pass, these interactions will become easier and more natural.
HANDLE HOSTILITY
If you’re unlucky enough that the new partner is genuinely unpleasant and being mean to or about you around your kids, make it clear to your ex that being disrespectful towards you is completely unacceptable and that this behaviour needs to be dealt with as early as possible.
Finally, try to see the world through your children’s eyes; they need positive role models and effective co-parenting strategies. You and your ex are the only ones who can make that happen by showing a united and friendly front.