It happened to me... “My husband and child were killed on holiday”
In 2013, Victoria Milligan, 45, and her family were involved in a tragic boating accident in which her daughter and husband died and she was left an amputee
y family and M I were involved in a tragic speedboat accident in Cornwall, four years ago this May Bank holiday Sunday. We were enjoying a beautiful weekend, my gorgeous husband Nick, 51, and our four beautiful children – Amber, 12, Olivia, 10, Emily, eight, and Kit, four.
“The morning of 5 May 2013 started like any other. The weather was glorious avnidctoria we spent the morning rlocskt her climbing, making sanldecgaisntltehse
accident and paddling in the sea.
FAMILY AFTERNOON
“We then decided to go out on our speedboat, and had a wonderful day – firstly mooring up for some fish and chips, then riding the waves. It was a fantastic family afternoon – the kids laughing, the sun on our faces, nothing could have prepared us for the tragedy that was about to happen.
“We were heading back to our mooring, but one of the children shouted: ‘Lets go round again!’
“It has taken a lot of work and time to accept that what happened next was a perfect storm of events which created an accident. In a combination of an exaggerated turn, a slip on the throttle and the kill cord (which is supposed to cut the engine if the driver is thrown) not being worn by Nick or me, the boat went into a spin, throwing the six of us into the freezing water.
“The first thing I saw as I surfaced was the boat completely out of control, going into the first of many full-speed circles, coming back at us in the water again and again.
“I was so disorientated, I didn’t know where anyone else was and couldn’t hear much above the roar of the engine. I could hear my four-year-old son shouting: ‘No more cold water, Mummy!’
SURVIVAL INSTINCT
“My maternal instinct kicked in and I swam to him, thinking I’d pull him to the shore and away from the boat. I heard the engine behind us and then the hull of the boat hit me in the chest. The propellers cut my leg and there was a lot of blood in the water but I didn’t know if it was mine or Kit’s.
“I then heard Amber shouting: ‘Daddy’s dead, Daddy’s dead,’ but I didn’t see him. Even in the midst of the carnage, my survival instinct got to work, flooding my body with adrenaline.
“I vividly remember thinking ‘OK, Nick is dead, I will sell the house and buy a smaller one. I may lose my leg so I will just get a prosthetic and strap that on...’ Ridiculous thoughts that took no account of how devastating it was all going to be.
“The RNLI came to rescue us. A crew member bravely managed to
❛i was terrified i wasn’t strong enough to cope with the loss❜
jump onto the boat and finally cut the engine. I was drifting in and out of consciousness.
“I didn’t know about little Emily until much later. My brain just wouldn’t let me go there – it was only at the hospital when a very kind, crying policeman informed me that she, too, had been killed by the boat. I was completely numb. I even apologised to him for having to break such bad news to me. I remember Amber and Olivia reassuring me that it would be OK before I went to be operated on.
“The next day I woke up to a room full of weeping friends and family – and looked down to see the space where my leg should have been. The previous day I had been a happily married mother-of-four and now I was a widow, bereaved single parent and amputee. How could anyone cope with this level of loss? I was terrified I wasn’t strong enough.
FINDING STRENGTH
“The truth is I had no choice. Amber, Olivia and Kit had lost their father and sister and I was determined that they wouldn’t lose me too. I had to find the strength to be both parents to them. We had to learn to live our lives to the full, for Nick and Emily’s sake.
“I remember someone once saying that losing a child must be like losing a limb – having dealt with both I can say it isn’t. Losing a living, breathing, much-loved child is indescribable. Losing my leg was the least of my problems. That was physical and hasn’t stopped me from doing anything.
GOING FORWARD
“For me, survival has been due to a combination of support from family and friends, grief counselling and the ability to talk about my emotions.
“I had to deal with the guilt that Nick and I were the responsible adults, there to protect our children, and yet this happened – but I had to let go of it. It was a terrible accident.
“I also have two key tools. The first was and still is setting small, achievable goals. It prevented everything from being too scary. Early on the goals were literally: get through the next hour. Then it would be: get to the girls’ sports day or walk to the front door and back on my leg.
“My second essential survival tool has been physical exercise. As a personal trainer I’ve always understood the importance of exercise – it still amazes me how it can change my mood from being a crying heap on the floor to feeling positive again in a quick half an hour. Our body holds so much emotion and exercise allows it to be released.
“It hasn’t been easy and, four years on, I still have dark days. There is no secret strategy to coping with grief. You can’t avoid the pain – you have to be brave and face the emotion to heal.
“The children and I have had to work through the pain and grief to rebuild our trust in life. We’ve moved house, though we’re still in the same area of south London. Having had a set path in life, I now have no idea what the future holds. Hopefully I’ll find a loving caring man to share my life with as I miss being in a relationship.
“We go forward in our lives as a tight unit of four, with two of us missing. Our memories are our most precious possession and nothing can ever take them away from us.”
❛there's no secret strategy to coping with grief – you have to face the emotion❜
l Visit www.victoriamilligan.co.uk for more inspiration and advice on how to cope with grief