STOP LOOKING FOR ‘THE ONE!’
Why the ‘perfect’ guy is just a fantasy, and why we shouldn’t become obsessed by social media’s picture-perfect relationships
When I was a little girl W I absolutely believed that I would grow up, meet a prince and move to a castle in the country. Pretty much every girl I knew felt exactly the same and the search for the ideal man began.
BE REALISTIC
Countless disappointments and one divorce later, I finally met him, but my “perfect guy” isn’t what I’d been sold. I’ll give you an example: his habit of turning a small mishap into a major tragedy drives me crazy, but he is just as dramatic and OTT in his love for me, so it’s swings and roundabouts.
What you think you want is often just a screwed-up projection of some fantasy that has been served to you in books and through films. Powerful messages tell you that if he doesn’t make you feel on top of the world 100 per cent of the time then your relationship is flawed. You scroll through other couple’s picture-perfect partnerships online and imagine that their relationships are right out of a Hollywood romcom, while you and your man sit down to beans on toast after a row about what to watch on telly.
Relationships are as imperfect as the people in them, and when you actually meet someone who you get along with “most” of the time, who laughs at your bad jokes and listens when you’re upset, then you’ve struck gold. Getting realistic about relationships isn’t selling out, it means you learn to truly appreciate the wonder of two people managing to get together and make each other’s lives just that little bit happier.
I am not suggesting that you should stay in a relationship that drags you down or makes you unhappy, and I don’t believe that staying because you are scared to leave is any kind of reason to be in a relationship, but if you find yourself over-analysing your relationship – because he isn’t “spontaneous” enough, or “romantic” enough, or he doesn’t “understand” what you need on a bad day, then you are at risk of losing something great.
No man can make your world perfect, all a guy can do is walk with you on life’s long journey, holding your hand and giving you a hug on bad days, and if that describes your relationship, then bravo.
HAPPY ENDING
Sometimes, I want to be angry because of the stuff going on in my wider world and the person on the receiving end is always my hubby. But as I’ve grown up, I’ve learned the value of being with someone who sees past my completely unreasonable moments, who loves me even though I’m awkward and confusing and who would give me the moon on a stick if he could. That’s a happy ending.