‘I try not to give myself a hard time when I make mistakes’
it’s in those moments that the boys go: ‘Things would be so much better if Mum were here.’ They do it all the time and it’s true.”
Jeff reveals that at their most raw, the boys have told him: “I wish you had died and not Mum.” Jeff says it’s “gut-wrenching,” but understands that it’s their anger speaking. He says: “I forgive them, of course. You forgive your children everything.”
Jeff encourages Bobby and Freddy to talk about Jade, setting aside the 15th of every month as Mummy’s Day. “We’ll do an activity like bowling or trampolining and dedicate it to Jade. It lets them express the love they feel for her,” he says.
HAVING REGRETS
On big occasions, they make a grand gesture – last Christmas they waded into the sea to release balloons. “We showed Jade that we were thinking of her by freezing ourselves!” recalls Jeff. “My girlfriend [PR director Kate Dwyer] went in, too, and me and the boys really appreciated that.”
But Jeff does have regrets. He’s moved with the boys four times since Jade died. Twice around Essex and then to Hove near Brighton, so that Bobby could attend a performing arts school, where he was bullied – then back to Essex last year. “I think we’d still be in Hove if Bobby hadn’t had trouble, but we moved back to Harlow to what we know,” says Jeff.
Jeff admits that he also regrets not getting the boys a pet or making a memory jar. He says: “I take a deep breath and try not to give myself a hard time when I make mistakes.”
Having done a great job of bringing up the boys, Jeff’s now thinking about his own future with Kate – marriage and children are on the cards, although Jeff won’t be drawn on a timescale. First, Kate has to relocate – since they left Sussex, she’s been dividing her time between Brighton and Harlow.
PLANNING A FUTURE
“We’re evaluating when the right time is for her to move in,” says Jeff.
Eight years on from Jade’s death, Jeff says the boys have inherited some of her traits. “I know my eldest can have a bit of a temper and I recognise that from Jade,” says Jeff, ruefully. “And Freddy’s such a huge entertainer – just like his mum used to be!”
‘Freddy is a huge entertainer – just like Jade’