❛I love her but a part of me thinks she’s being Incredibly selfish❜

Danielle Gostling, D 35, an actress and married mum-of-one, says: “When Mum told me about her plans to have another baby using a surrogate I thought it was the most ridiculous thing ever. I had to ask her if she’d gone completely insane. She gave birth to Flame three years ago and, despite the complications she went through, she was incredibly lucky to have a baby in her 50s. I know women in their 30s who’ve struggled with IVF multiple times. Mum should be grateful for what she has, instead of messing around with things again.

taking on too much

“Of course I think mum is too old. If she were younger, it would be different. I’m in my 30s and I find that looking after one child is exhausting, but to be in your 50s and have two children under four – I can’t think of anything worse and I wish she could see that.

“Mum and Paul are strong and happy, but if anything were to happen to their relationship, or if my 71-year-old grandma – who helps out with Flame – suddenly passed away, mum would be left looking after two small children on her own. I’ve got my own daughter and family to care for, plus we live miles apart – her in Liverpool and me in London.

“Mum might be in good health, but I don’t think she’s financially stable. She should be securing a future for Flame; ensuring she has enough money to send her to university if she wants to go, yet she doesn’t even own her own home and now she’s considering having another child. Her decision is absurd.

“I’m dreading the day when I have to tell Dorothy about our unusual family set-up because it will be an incredibly awkward conversation. When Mum refers to Flame as Dorothy’s aunty, it makes my skin crawl because there’s only two years between them. And in order to call someone your sibling, there has to be some common ground – yet Flame and I had very different upbringings. Mum was just 18 when she had me and we lived in a bedsit, just the two of us; Flame has two parents and a mum who’s a famous actress doing photo shoots – could we possibly have led more different lives?

struggle to relate

“Even though mum used a donor egg to conceive Flame, at least she carried her for nine months; this time, someone else will carry that child and it will have less of a connection to us. I’m worried I’ll struggle to relate to the child on any sibling level because of this.

“It’s no secret that Mum and I haven’t had a great relationship since she got together with Paul. I’ve never approved of their 19-year age gap. “Mum’s only met Dorothy twice and by having another child, this would only serve to broaden that gap. She can’t be a grandmother and have babies to look after at the same time.

“I understand Mum’s thinking about herself and Flame’s future and she’s entitled to do that. But one thing I can’t accept is that she keeps saying she ‘wants another sibling for Flame.’ What does that make me? I only wish my mum was more interested in her granddaughter than having another baby.

“Despite our differences, I’ll always love Mum and I’ll be there for her, but I can’t get my head around her decision – a part of me thinks she’s being incredibly selfish.”