It’s never too late to make new friends
Recent research has found that loneliness is so damaging it should be considered a public health hazard. Emma explains how to buddy-up beyond your school days
This year my best T friend died. I’d known her since I was seven and she had been the one constant in my life. Since her death, the biggest thing I’ve noticed is my growing loneliness. I miss her, I miss us, and I miss the connection our friendship offered us both throughout the good times and the bad.
It has also struck me that making friends is a complex business, an equation that I haven’t quite yet fathomed as a middle-aged woman, because I haven’t had to until now. When you’re a child surrounded by peers, friendships naturally evolve, and this continues until you leave education. Then everyone goes in different directions and for various reasons – working from home for example – you can end up feeling isolated and lacking confidence to create new connections.
Research shows that the UK is the loneliness capital of Europe, and while that is shocking, what makes it even more worrying is that studies also revealed that the lonelier you are, the more your health suffers. To put it simply, loneliness kills.
These days, we have endless ways to meet people. There are apps like Wiith; which can connect you with like-minded people in seconds, and sites like Meetup.com, where you can get together with people who share your interests. But, despite that, it can still feel challenging to form meaningful connections.
I’m relearning how to make friends too, and have decided to be open to possibilities, because if you don’t ask, you don’t get. If you’re trying to make new friends, remember that people like someone who is genuinely interested in them. Take a deep breath and go talk to that mum in the playground who smiles at you, or sign up for that class you keep thinking about. Get involved in your local community by volunteering, or simply invite your neighbour in for a cuppa.
Also learn a few conversation starters – pay a compliment on something they’re wearing, or acknowledge that you often turn up at the same places and ask them about their life. These simple tricks make those nervy few moments when meeting someone new feel less stressful.
Finally, when you run into someone you click with, grab their phone number, and agree to get a coffee soon. Take a risk, because the reward of great friendship is absolutely worth it.