HOW TO COPE WITH A LOVED ONE’S SCARY PROGNOSIS

Jordan recently opened up about her mum’s frightening terminal illness. Here, Emma shares what she learned when her best friend was dealt the same devastating news

When my best friend W told me she had suspected ovarian cancer, I instantly knew that life would never be the same again. Jordan bravely opened up about her mum’s terminal lung disease recently, and it has been frustrating to see people suggesting that she talked about it in an insensitive manner, because when you find out someone you love is seriously ill, you haven’t a clue how to react.

MAKE IT EASIER

My reaction was to think of as many strategies as possible to make my friend’s situation less daunting. I read up on new treatments, I spoke to surgeons and I tried to pretend that everything would be OK, because thinking anything else was unbearable.

You are, to some degree, powerless, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make the situation easier for your loved one to bear. I found equipping myself with knowledge was helpful, because if I was Googling her prognosis, she would be too, so I’d have an insight into her feelings and fears. I learned that sometimes being silent was as helpful as talking and, most importantly, I learned to listen to what she needed, even when all she needed was time away from me. I learned that there is no point in telling someone that it is going to be OK, when it isn’t; and in moments where you really don’t think you or they will be able to cope, you somehow do.

There is no right or wrong way to cope, simply your way. If that means becoming an expert on their condition, or pretending that it is all going to be fine, then that’s OK, as long as you remain loving and connected.

BE YOURSELF

My best friend never wanted a “big” goodbye, and respecting that was one of my toughest trials. Instead, we texted the most difficult conversations and while that was painful, I think she knew that in the long term it would leave me with something incredibly precious, which it has.

Loving someone who is going to die is scary, but it’s also an honour, and the best person you can be to them is exactly who you have always been.

Meanwhile, allowing them to remain the person you know and love is the best gift you can offer.