“We’ve raised £25,000 in memory of our little girl”
After enduring the unimaginable agony of having a stillborn baby, Nicole Addy and her partner Steven Chidgey were determined to help others
When Nicole Addy was 28 weeks W pregnant, she went through the devastation of losing her baby daughter, Avery. But she and her partner Steven Chidgey found the strength to help others in the same situation, raising £20,000 for Tommy’s – a charity that funds research into miscarriage, stillbirth and premature birth – and £5,000 for the bereavement rooms at the hospital where Avery was born.
FRIGHTENED
Nicole, 27 – who works in PR and lives with Steven, 28, a personal trainer, near Manchester – raised the money after Tommy’s helped them when they were crushed by grief. And last week, she was awarded the Closer Star Fundraiser Award for her dedication and support.
Nicole says, “I was in a very dark place after Avery died. I felt very alone and that I was being punished. Tommy’s told me the only way to get through it was to not put any pressure on myself to recover.” Nicole went to hospital in October 2016 after she hadn’t felt her baby move all day. She says, “She’d always been really active. I tried the usual things to her moving, like drinking cold water, but nothing worked. We went to hospital and they couldn’t find a heartbeat. They tried to reassure me that sometimes it doesn’t get picked up – but I knew. And it was confirmed by a scan.” The next few hours were a blur for Nicole. She was sent home with a pill to take to ready her for going into labour. The next day, she was induced, and gave birth to Avery 24 hours later. She says, “At first, I was frightened that if I saw her, I’d never be able to leave her. But I’m so glad I did meet her. She was beautiful and we spent a day and a half with her, saying our goodbyes. We dressed her in a pink baby grow and a knitted hat that I’ve still got.” Nicole stayed with her mother after she left hospital as she couldn’t face seeing Avery’s things at home. She says, “The pain of losing your baby is indescribable. I didn’t know where to turn. I’d heard about Tommy’s and, one day, I called the helpline and ended up speaking for three hours to a parent who’d also lost their child. It helped so much, especially as they’d gone on to have another baby.” Gradually, Nicole and Steven found their way through the pain and started making memories of Avery.
CHANNELLING GRIEF
“My most treasured possession is a toy sheep,” says Nicole. “We’d had a 4D scan the day before Avery died and I’d made a recording of the heartbeat, so we put the recording device into the sheep. For those first few months I carried it with me everywhere, now we cuddle it every night.”
In January last year, they decided to channel their grief into something positive by fundraising for Tommy’s. So Steven set himself a challenge every month for a year, including a 24-hour bike ride and a marathon. Meanwhile, Nicole raised money with events at work. She says, “Nine babies a day are stillborn in the UK. There needs to be more research and also help for grieving parents. I’ve also raised awareness through my blog.”
Last year, Nicole fell pregnant again. In February, she gave birth to son Hudson. She says, “We lost Avery when my placenta failed, because I had a condition causing my blood to be sticky. So I took medication this time around and the relief of holding our gorgeous boy was immense. We love him so much, but we still miss Avery every day.” ● Tommy’s funds research and advice on safer pregnancy. Visit www.tommys.org
❛THE PAIN OF LOSING A BABY IS INDESCRIBABLE – WE DIDN’T KNOW WHERE TO TURN❜