How can we protect our kids from bullies?
Bullying has led to the suicides of dozens of children. Here, Closer speaks to a mother whose son took his own life, and asks what can be done
Tormented both in T the playground and online, 16-year-old Martin Holder was bullied throughout his life.
By November 2012, he could no longer cope with the relentless physical and mental abuse he’d been suffering. He was found hanging in his bedroom by his horrified younger sister.
Martin’s devastated mum, Marj Hamlett-hughes, 46 – who lives in Cheltenham with her husband, Mark, 56, and daughter, Charlie, 18 – says her son was bullied from the moment he started senior school.
She says, “Martin was small for his age, which made him a target. When he got a Facebook account, the abuse spread online. He was musical and loved to play the guitar and posted videos of himself singing online, but horrible comments would be left underneath. After his death, police showed me how bad it was. ‘I hope you die’ was one of the messages sent to his profile.”
CONSTANT ABUSE
Shockingly, the most recent stats reveal that, on average in the UK, two children kill themselves every month – and campaigners have warned of a “bullying epidemic”.
Just last week, Elena Mondal, 14, was found hanged in her school grounds after she felt she’d been snubbed by friends.
Lauren Seager-smith, chief executive of anti-bullying charity Kidscape, believes not enough is being done. She says, “Cuts to school budgets mean there’s a lack of support staff, there’s been a big reduction in youth services, and the internet means bullying continues round the clock. It’s created the perfect storm.”
Anti-bullying charities estimate 145,000 teenagers suffer daily abuse in school and on social media, while a third of severely bullied teenagers reported suicidal thoughts. The number of children tormented online has increased 88 per cent in five years, and Closer’s psychologist Emma Kenny has seen a steep rise in families seeking help.
She says, “There’s a bullying culture in the UK. We watch TV talent shows where we’re encouraged to laugh at people, and social media has created a mob mentality. Schools need to determine which pupils are bullying and why. They also need a zero tolerance policy. Only then can things change.”
Like many children, Martin played down the extent of his abuse. Marj says, “He’d often come home with a ripped blazer, but always had an excuse. I knew he was being bullied and I’d often talk to him about it. He’d tell me things when he was younger, but less so as he got older.
“I’d speak to teachers, who would arrange meetings between Martin and his bullies, and I even visited other parents. Some were horrified their child was bullying, but not all took it seriously. But at home, Martin was smiley and chatty. I didn’t realise it was affecting him so badly.”
She adds, “The night Martin died, I’d gone to the supermarket. I remember saying ‘see you later’, but I can’t recall if I told him I loved him. I hope I did. After an hour and a half I got an anxious call from Charlie to say something was wrong. She didn’t say it on the phone as she didn’t want to panic me, but she’d found Martin hanging in his bedroom.
DEVASTATING
“I drove home and the first thing I saw was Martin lying on the landing, as our neighbour performed CPR. I screamed. He was rushed to hospital, but they couldn’t save him.
“I could never imagine Martin would take his own life, but I knew exactly why he’d done it. When police showed me how bad the abuse was – on Facebook, Youtube and Ask.fm – I was devastated. One read, ‘I’d p**s on your dead body’. I hated that he’d been made to feel so worthless. I wish I could have done more.”
Some of Martin’s classmates contacted Marj after his death, saying bullies waited for him on the playing field, or threw his bags and books around.
Marj says, “Every single day for Martin was hell. Even now, I don’t know which children were
responsible for bullying him – they’ve never shown remorse.”
Since Martin’s death, Marj has campaigned for stricter anti-bullying policies in schools.
She says, “We need CCTV installed in school corridors, and parents need to be educated on how to spot if their child’s being bullied or if they are a bully. If someone is caught bullying online, they should be have their use restricted and be monitored by the police.
“I miss Martin constantly. While his ashes are in a box, his bullies are moving on with their lives. I owe it to him to put an end to this crisis.”