HOW YOU CAN HAVE GREAT SEX, EVERY TIME

Recent studies have discovered that women enjoy sex more when they initiate it – and experience less feelings of regret. Emma agrees that taking some control makes for happiness between the sheets

am happily married I now but, when I was single, I enjoyed the odd “hookup”. This is increasingly the norm for many women, and with apps making it simpler to find a partner – temporary or otherwise – it makes sense to have some personal rules to ensure that whatever sexual decisions you make, you do so without regrets. TAKE THE INITIATIVE Recent research offers some compelling pointers. Firstly, if you make the first move, the chances are you will have a more fulfilling sexual experience. I support this both from a personal and professional point of view. Making it clear when you want sex, and initiating it, means you are in control, and you can leave encounters feeling a sense of genuine empowerment. Being unafraid to ask for your needs to be met boosts confidence and reinforces your sense of personal control. ALWAYS STAND FIRM Unsurprisingly, the research also made it clear that, when the sex is good, you are far more likely to walk away feeling happy. That makes sense because great sex is fulfilling. When I work with women who have sexual regrets, it usually comes down to a few key mistakes, mainly involving a sense of “giving in” to their partner’s demands when they actually felt uncomfortable. I cannot reinforce enough the need to assert your own needs when it comes to sex. If you feel that the night isn’t going in the right direction, call a cab and go home. Don’t feel that, just because you have invited them to yours, or you’ve gone to theirs, that you have to follow through. Dealing with an awkward 20 minutes while you wait for a cab is far better than dealing with a heap of regret the following morning. BE SELF-AWARE Shame has no place in sex, so if you often find yourself wallowing in self-loathing afterwards, you need to work through some emotional baggage. Make an appointment with your GP and talk through support options. Sex should be the best adult play that you ever have so, if you aren’t enjoying it, take some positive action.