TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT LOVE AND BREAK-UPS
Half of young people think their failed romances have impacted their mental health, and 62 per cent have felt unable to end an unhappy relationship. Emma says we need to open up more
When my 13-yearold W son told me his girlfriend of six months had dumped him, he was confused, sad and humiliated. Awful as it was to see him upset, I had an opportunity to help him recover, and teach him about rejection. You can’t save your kids from getting hurt, and learning that life sometimes sucks can help kids form resilience – as long as you help them understand.
LEAD BY EXAMPLE
Half of 16-24 year olds think break-ups have had an effect on their mental health, and 62 per cent have felt unable to end an unhappy relationship. This suggests parents are failing to advise their children, or even worse, are leading by example by staying in unhappy relationships themselves.
UP THEIR CONFIDENCE
People who feel bad about themselves accept others treating them badly, so firstly, equip your kids with confidence. Praise their great points and help them to build on their natural talents because when you feel positive about your skills, you have a benchmark of personal expectation and, if someone falls short of that, you are far more likely to walk away. If, like me, you have experienced a marriage break-up, explain why you were unwilling to remain in it. Don’t attack your ex, but make it clear that it is far better to be on your own, than to be in a relationship that isn’t working. If you are in a loving relationship, talk about the good qualities you appreciate, and when you see unhealthy relationships on TV, talk about that with your children. If you have teens, talk to them about their hormones, wanting to have sex and the pitfalls of sexting.
SET EXPECTATIONS
Help them to understand that it is unrealistic to expect a teen relationship to last forever, so if it ends, that has no bearing on their personal worth. When I explained to my son that sticking with someone who doesn’t truly value you,is wasted time, it gave him instant perspective. Use your power as a parent to help your kids get their heads around relationships and rejection by being open about what healthy relationships involve.