Linda Nolan: “I won’t let cancer stop me enjoying my life”
She’s endured her fair share S of personal heartache, losing both her husband Brian Hudson and her sister Bernie to cancer – and has even battled breast cancer herself. But last year, singer Linda Nolan, 59 – one of the six Nolan Sisters – revealed she’d been diagnosed with secondary breast cancer 12 years after being given the all-clear from the disease. Here, she reveals how she’s learned to live life to the fullest despite her terminal diagnosis…
I’M SCARED, BUT I’M CHOOSING NOT TO WASTE TIME WORRYING
In March this year, I found out my cancer had returned [Linda first battled breast cancer in 2006] as secondary breast cancer in my left hip. It was a huge shock. While it’s stable, I don’t know how much longer I have in this world and living with an incurable disease has changed me. There have been times throughout my life when I’ve been depressed – I recently had a facelift to take away years of sadness – but now I’m desperate to cling on to life and I’m choosing not to spend it constantly worrying about cancer. Don’t get me wrong, of course I’m scared. There have been occasions where I wake up in bed, cry for a few moments, and think, “What else can happen to me?” When I received the news, everything was going well in my life. I was about to go on tour and all of sudden my life was on hold, so I did feel sorry for myself. But over time I’ve learned that you either let it drag you under or you chose the next step. I’d put the news on and people were going through much worse. I’ve chosen to enjoy the little things like a pub meal with my siblings, a walk in the park where we played as kids, watching a movie with my great-nieces and nephews. Everyone’s life has ups and downs, but how you survive is the real tale to be told.
THERE IS ALWAYS A CHANCE TO START OVER
The irony isn’t lost on me that nearly a decade ago I was ready to end my life and now I’m saying I have so much to live for. But it’s taken perseverance and help from others to get me
here. After my husband Brian died from skin cancer in 2007, I sank into a depression. Some days I couldn’t stop myself from crying and I was one step away from thinking it’d be better for everyone if I could take my own life and be with Brian. Thankfully, I reached out for help and my local mental health team saved me. They said they couldn’t stop me from taking my own life, but they encouraged me to keep a diary of my moods and each time they came round we’d discuss how I’d been feeling. I was also given antidepressants, too. It’s not a miracle cure, but it levelled things out and I’ve stopped crying every day. I still have dark days where I want to stay under the duvet, but now I know how to deal with those days and I’ve realised it’s OK to wallow.
TRY TO HEAL YOUR FAMILY RIFTS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE
The fallout between my sisters [Coleen, Bernie, Maureen, Anne and Denise] and I was well publicised. When the girls decided they didn’t want Brian as our tour manager any more in 1983, I decided I couldn’t be in the band either. I didn’t speak to my sisters for over a year – we’d pass each other in the street and not say hello. After years of being surrounded by my noisy and funny sisters, they were gone and it was painful. When we eventually started talking again years later, I very quickly realised that life was always better with them. Brian would call them “The Nolan Cavalry” because whenever anything bad happened, they would come from all over and surround me with love. When my sister Bernie died from breast cancer in 2013, we all came together. Now a week doesn’t pass by when we don’t speak on the phone or meet in person.
IT’S OK TO HAVE REGRETS
Not having children is the only major regret I have, and I’ve never hidden it. When Brian and I got together, we said we wanted to start a family one day, but we always assumed we had years ahead of us. I absolutely adore kids. I only blame myself for it, but I don’t beat myself up. I let my career get in the way and that’s it. I have wonderful nieces and nephews who have given me so much joy in life, but while I know they love me too, they give their parents a smile that I will never receive. I try not to dwell on it because I’ve lived a full and happy life. My sister Denise never had children either, and there is a pressure in our society to have kids, but it doesn’t make you any less of a women if you choose not to.
‘I have dark days but I know how to deal with them’