WE NEED TO TALK TO OUR PARENTS ABOUT DEATH
Most of us avoid the topic with our mum and dad, but Emma says we need to address the big taboo
There are certain T things we all find difficult to discuss with our parents, from our finances to fertility issues, but the toughest of all is death. It has always been the “elephant in the room”, but it’s as natural as being born. Often, it’s simply a reluctance to acknowledge the inevitable, yet it is vitally important not to leave it until your parents are very ill or, even worse, to miss the opportunity altogether.
SUPPORT EACH OTHER
Once certain formalities have been established, you can put them aside and enjoy life. First, ensure basic paperwork like wills are in order. It may be the last thing you or your parents want to discuss, but many families have been torn apart by surviving relatives fighting over what should happen when they lose a loved one, just when they should be supporting one another.
PREPARE FOR DIFFICULTIES
It’s also wise to arrange for an enduring Power of Attorney to be appointed while your parents are physically and mentally sound to make such a decision. This will mean you can handle your parents’ financial, medical and personal matters if they ever become too ill to do it themselves. Once it’s been registered with the Office of the Public Guardian, it can be used immediately, providing instant reassurance to everyone. Without it, you have to apply to the Court of Protection to take control of financial affairs, which is a far more expensive and stressful option; it’s worth getting some legal advice now.
KNOW THEIR WISHES
Avoid regretting missing the chance to learn what your parents’ wishes would be when they die, too, from what flowers they would like at their funeral to favourite songs they would like played, and whether they wish to donate their organs. It feels like we have all the time in the world, but facing difficult conversations now will make life so much easier down the road when things will already be hard enough. If they are reticent, sensitively explain why it’s important to you. The sooner you talk, the sooner you know, and then you can focus on the happier things.