‘IT’S BETTER TO SPEAK OUT THAN STRUGGLE’
Dr C is glad more people are choosing to talk about their battle with postpartum psychosis
hen author Laura Dockrill gave W birth in February, she sadly battled postpartum psychosis. A few weeks ago, her long-time friend, singer Adele, shared Laura’s story to raise awareness of the mental illness. And that’s good, because while postpartum psychosis is rare, struggling with motherhood certainly isn’t.
OPEN UP IF IT’S TOUGH
New mums often feel miserable – and sometimes even regret having a child – but that has nothing to do with how much they love their baby. It’s normal, and if more people could be honest about that, those who are suffering with post natal depression (PND) or postpartam psychosis, may find it easier to speak up. Many women struggle to breastfeed, feel exhausted, or don’t bond well with their babies. My own mother didn’t, but she talked about it openly, which helped.
Laura says she had PND at first, but didn’t recognise it as such because she wasn’t sad – instead, she was short of breath, with a pounding heart and churning stomach. We think of depression as intense sadness, but it can mean not wanting to go out, having no energy or losing your appetite.
Laura also describes having an easy pregnancy, and no history of mental illness in her family, but hers was brought on by a traumatic birth – a common cause. It can leave a mental scar, so women often do need help to recover from that. PND and postpartum psychosis are illnesses, they don’t mean you have failed as a mum. Baby blues are normal and can make you feel tearful and exhausted, but when difficult feelings persist, you need to talk to your GP or midwife.
DON’T BE IGNORED
Baby checks include mums, too, but babies take up a lot of time and GPS and midwives can have so much fun bouncing the baby on their knee that mums get missed. Please tell them if you are not feeling well, though. The fact that people are turning to mummy blogs in desperation shows that doctors aren’t doing enough. That needs to change.
PUT YOURSELF FIRST
Mums think they should put their child first, but you need to protect your health, too. Some people say “clean bum, full tum”, so if your baby is fed and clean, you’re doing fine. I would add “happy mum”. Just because women can have babies, doesn’t mean raising them is easy.
Having kids is hard – let’s start acknowledging that and offering support and understanding.
On average, weddings O cost £25k and take a year to plan, so the pressure on couples is huge. When things go wrong – whether it’s a baby screaming through the service, terrible weather or drunk guests ruining the reception – the combination of stress and high expectations can lead to crushing disappointment. If you feel deflated after your wedding, talk to someone. You invested a lot of time, money and effort, so it’s OK to feel angry and it will help to vent. If a certain individual ruined the day, tell them, either face-to-face or by text or email. A heartfelt apology could make a world of difference and, even if this isn’t forthcoming, the simple fact you’ve made them aware will be therapeutic. Don’t let it eat away at you, as it will lead to resentment. Next, try to put things into perspective. Provided the church didn’t burn down, the main objective has been achieved – you’re married! Lots of the things that went wrong may only have impacted you and may have gone unnoticed by guests, who’ll probably just remember having a great day. Try to focus on the positives – such as the pride you saw in your dad’s eyes, or the look on your husband’s face as you exchanged vows. If you honestly can’t find any, do something special, like a lovely meal or a weekend away together, where you can create new memories to replace the bitter ones. As disappointing as it may have been, it’s in the past and you can’t change it, so be grateful for everything you have and focus on your future together.