HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD TO GET THEM TO OPEN UP

New research has shown that nine in ten parents say they never get an answer when they ask their kids, “What did you learn at school today?” Emma says we need to get creative

A third of primary A school kids’ parents say that finding out what their children did in school is like getting blood from a stone, and 93 per cent have no idea what their children learn on a day-to-day basis.

EAT AS A FAMILY

As a mum of teen boys, I know that if I ask a broad question like, “How was your day?” they’ll reply, “Fine.” Instead, I break down questions into specifics like, “What did you eat for lunch?” and “How was English?” We also eat together as often as we can. All screens and devices are off, and we sit around a table. It helps everyone relax, so conversation flows, and because we’re all chatting about our days, we inevitably discuss events and issues that have arisen. Going for a walk side-by-side helps, too. When you can’t see the other person’s facial expressions, it feels less intimidating to open up. With young children, being creative by drawing or painting together is beneficial, as kids use pictures to deal with their feelings. I also find that being open about my own life helps my boys talk about theirs. When I have a challenging day, I express how that has impacted on me.

REFLECT TOGETHER

Practicing gratitude is another way to help kids communicate. Every day, my boys and I write three things that we are grateful for, and one that we struggled with, but learnt from. That gets kids into a habit of reflecting on their experiences. I also spend 20 mins every evening in their bedrooms, chatting about what’s coming up the next day and reading with them.

GIVE THEM SPACE

Sometimes, children don’t want to discuss feelings because they’re embarrassed, or feel they will be punished. Reassure them that you are here no matter what, and remind them that they are loved. You can then give them some space, and ask again later, perhaps just before bed. Should they confide feeling sad or anxious, say you are pleased they are grown-up enough to disclose this. Then, listen, and help them to explore their feelings. Most of the time, this will be enough, but if you are concerned, speak to the school.