TEACH YOUR CHILDREN TO COPE WITH FAILURE

Strictly contestant Kate Silverton recently revealed she believes giving kids the opportunity to fail is crucial to their development. However, Emma says parents need to be careful

Every day, TV E presenter Kate Silverton asks her six-year-old daughter Clemency, “How did you fail today?” She also, controversially, tells her that if she hasn’t failed, she hasn’t tried hard enough. I agree that children should be brought up understanding that failure is a normal part of life, and shouldn’t be feared. We all fall flat on our faces every now and then, and for children, knowing that this isn’t the end of the world means that they won’t be put off trying new challenges. But I do think Kate’s pushing it too far.

AVOID ANXIETY

Whether failure is “crucial” for a child’s emotional development is debatable. No one enjoys it when things go wrong, and kids are all individuals. That means some are more sensitive than others. Asking a child to think about how they failed will be catastrophic for some and could make them anxious about their performance. Rather than forging resilience, it could dismantle their confidence.

PRAISE & ENCOURAGE

Research strongly supports positive parenting, where you reinforce strengths and acknowledge “failures” as areas you wish to improve on, or things you accept are simply not for you. To suggest that if you haven’t failed, you haven’t tried doesn’t ring true. Some kids are blessed and don’t care if they fail or succeed, some try incredibly hard and constantly succeed, some fail by chance, others because they haven’t tried.

TAKE ON CHALLENGES

If you want to raise resilient kids, take failure out of the equation, because they will have that drilled into them throughout their academic life. Instead, teach them that life is a series of opportunities, every one of which provides a helpful lesson. Lead by example; take on new challenges with them, and, when you mess up, laugh at yourself, so they learn to laugh too. When things go wrong, teach them to find the silver lining, because there is always something of worth in even the most challenging of moments. Don’t teach your kids to seek failure, teach them instead to see more opportunities.