WOULD LIKE TO MEET

Closer’s dating expert, Rebecca Twomey, searches for the right response to men who ask what she’s looking for while on the hunt for love…

When you’re on a W dating app, you assume everyone’s objective is to meet someone, go on a date and see if love blossoms. But if I’ve learned anything from my four years on the single scene, it’s that nothing is ever simple.

This month, I’ve already had three men on a dating app ask me, “What are you looking for?” The first time, I replied, “A straight man with a pulse”, but realised my humour doesn’t translate over message – and I never heard from him again.

Over the years, it’s become foggy as to what exactly dating apps are used for, though some people do specify “no hookups”, “no time wasters” or “just looking for fun” on their profiles. One guy I matched with told me he was in a relationship and only wanted sex with me – I admired his honesty, but it’s a shame he didn’t exercise that with his girlfriend.

Because I am looking to fall

in love again (even though it’s been so long I worry if I even know how), in the past I have mistakenly assumed men on dating apps are also looking for the same – and have discovered the hard way that not all of them are. The problem is, if I’m honest and tell a guy when we first start speaking that I’m ready to meet the man I’m going to marry, I know I’ll scare him off – but then saying I don’t want a serious relationship implies I just want casual sex!

I’ve had a similar issue when dates have asked me how many other men I’m speaking to online. And I never know how to answer. So, how do you find the balance? What I now say is this, “I’ve been single a while and have met lots of people to find out what I want. I’ve not had anything serious for a while and am looking to meet a new best mate who I fancy, too.” The reaction has been positive with the men saying they’re looking for that too. Although, the next hurdle to overcome is whether they mean what they say… but that’s a dilemma for another day.