HELP TEENS NOT TO RUSH LOSING THEIR VIRGINITY

A National Survey has found that the biggest regret of young people is losing their virginity too soon, and that many felt pressured by their partners. Emmas says openness is key

lost my virginity at 18, with my boyfriend of several years. Our relationship eventually ended, but it was a positive experience; I felt ready, loved and the intimacy felt safe and familiar.

COMMUNICATE

I have spent years helping my boys grow into teens who know that sex is something to have when they feel ready. They know that as long as their partner is consenting, sober and legal, that as long as they practise safe sex, there will be no judgement from me. My 16-year-old son knows he can have a girlfriend stay over if her parents agree. This open communication has led to them feeling no rush, no pressure and no real gain to having sex young. They both feel that girlfriends will be a great addition to their lives – as will sex – but only when they are ready.

INFORM & EDUCATE

Educate your kids to know that saying no to peer pressure is possible, and that they can lose their virginity in an enjoyable way. Explain the difference between throwaway and intimate sex. Inform them why consent is so important (brook.org.uk can help) and encourage them to be open with you about their relationship. Create a safe, open and loving space to discuss sexual concerns, and they will use it. Remind them they will have many opportunities for sex, but only one to lose their virginity. Help them practise to say, “I’m not ready” so it feels familiar. Make sure they understand that alcohol can confuse the senses and, if they are underage, check there will be parental supervision at sleepovers.

TEACH RESPECT

My boys know that condoms are the only contraception they should use and it is up to them to ensure they practise sex safely and respectfully. Girls shouldn’t feel pressured into having implants or taking the contraceptive pill. Explain that condoms are more protective. The less big of a deal sex feels, the less likely our kids will see losing their virginity as an uncomfortable necessity.